So not that I'm trying to be preachy (is that a word?) but I really try to remember when things are bad (and I'm pretty sure you said this to me before) if I think not being with H is the answer to end the hurt and turmoil me filing for D or having H leave won't change anything right now. I would still have the same hurt. None of us really know how things are going to end up but no matter which end of the tunnel you come out -- there will be light.
Which way you go is your decision because only you know what makes you happy. I know I vent and make emotional responses when things are bad or not my way so I am trying to work on that. Really working on this chill out period.
I am a hot mess and in no way should give advice which is really why I don't post to others much but do know i think you are strong and your H is a lucky man that he got 2 chances -- the ball is in your court and you hold more cards than you think. Maybe it's time to sit back and let things marinate and see how things go. Could you make small goals? Maybe a night out without talk of anything but casual topics (and maybe you could make it a short date this way there is less chance of heavy stuff coming into play).
