We watched a movie lastnight, and something struck me afterwards. I cry in almost every romantic story where the man ends up winning the woman's heart. I've always been a bit sappy that way! I realized lastnight that part of why I cry is because I've never really had that. Sure, I thought I had it, but it's hard to imagine that a man who wins your heart would betray you while you're sleeping soundly in the security of his presence. It's also hard to imagine that such a man could vow not to repeat such a betrayal and then do it all over again one week later. I know many do not agree with my perspective on that, including my own father, but it's still a scar nonetheless and it hasn't healed yet.
I'm honestly not setting out to make H a monster, even if it appears that way. I married him in spite of this, hoping that time and effort might heal and renew my love for him. I then hoped that having his children would help, not to mention how badly I wanted to be a mom. We'll be married for 6 years this August... if I haven't healed by now, doesn't it just make sense that I won't? What I mean is, I don't think it's realistic anymore to hope and try to undo our past. Geez, I need to see my therapist... I must sound crazy.
I realized lastnight that part of why I cry is because I've never really had that. Sure, I thought I had it, but it's hard to imagine that a man who wins your heart would betray you while you're sleeping soundly in the security of his presence. It's also hard to imagine that such a man could vow not to repeat such a betrayal and then do it all over again one week later. I know many do not agree with my perspective on that, including my own father, but it's still a scar nonetheless and it hasn't healed yet. 
