Totally agree with all that, Toots, and I've often thought that MWD's "try/watch/monitor/adjust" advice SOUNDS great, and it of course IS great . . . if one is properly detached! (which, in fairness, she also teaches).
But what if the person is NOT properly detached? I find that often they spend so much time "monitoring" how their walkaway or wayward spouse is reacting to them, that they're not actually out DOING: creating that exciting, passionate, mysterious, busy life that they should be.
It's almost like we'd be more effective if we had some trusted, but disinterested third party watching our situation FOR us, and then letting us know how we're doing! Because when WE monitor it, we get way too enmeshed with our spouse.
