Calibri, nice tough love there. Glad to hear a bit about how you are doing, too.
Sometimes I wish DB/DR had a chapter on how deeply p'od we have a right to be despite all the truths of making changes, doing what works, etc. would that help bring spouse back? No, but it might help some perspective too.
So, so, so many people on this board have told stories of terribly indecisive, lost, unhappy nice-guy spouses. It's not all our fault. We may have loved these people, wanted to protect/save them - and look, here we are still standing. Men stand strong, boys run away. Women take care of their own, girls look for someone to take care of them.
I think of TLEE going through his days, you handling life and death, V and Gan supremely detached in the best way, calm centers of their universes, and everyone else who is doing the work. And all the sh*tty reasons everyone gave us for giving up on the M, or blissful ignorance of how selfish they are. It makes me angry. I feel like most of us are struggling with/mourning a half baked person who never took enough responsibility for their own well being, who ran amuck in our lives after we promised sickness and health and will go on to make a mess of someone else's good faith and love. Was this an issue generations ago? Did adults get to run around complaining of needing to find themselves?
Why does this dynamic exist? Why does it show up again and again?
I guess I'm not a well of positivity either right now, but TLEE, Calibri - I really believe something better is ahead for you guys.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
