Im sorry it made you sad not to have your xh there for your daughter's birthday. If I am honest, it still makes me a bit sad at holidays and other milestones for my son.
I know it isnt what you want for your family, M, but its what you got unfortunately.
So, my son and I make new memories and new traditions. It is different. But different doesnt have to mean bad.
In time, the pain will no longer be searing. It will become just a dull ache that you feel from time to time.
That is part of the process. Remember that you set the tone for your kids. If they see that you are ok, they will be, too.
So, feel it, then when you are ready, let it wash over you.
Life is constantly fluid. It changes, and so must we.
The thing is that though it doesnt feel like it, you have a lot of power here.
You get to control who you become, how you act, what you learn. You get to figure out your life's purpose.
