But a more meaningful answer, since it's a very good question and deserves something besides my snark (altho there IS some truth in the snark) . . .
. . . and also because DBing is supposed to be about "doing what works" and we are to try things and monitor the results . . .
I would be looking for:
- your wife treating you kindly and respectfully (notice I didn't say "nice"). Respecting your boundaries, and spewing less often;
- lack of movement AWAY from the marriage. Fewer threats of D, fewer real estate hunts, fewer hours spent away from the family;
- Confusion (and this sort of contracts the first one). Spinning wildly from one emotion to the next, as she begins to question the path she is on;
- all quiet on the intel front.
Those are the things I saw in my wife before she decided to end her affair, and they are pretty consistent with what I've seen in other sitches, too. I'm sure others can add to this, but again -- don't go overboard with the "monitoring" thing. You don't want to lose sight of your own GAL, and hover over your wayward wife. The overall advice I usually give to betrayed spouses is "don't measure 'what works' merely by 'she's being NICE to me.' Rather, watch for demonstrable moves away from OM, and back towards the marriage and the family."
*"nice" is different from "respectful," although they do overlap. If a cheating spouse doesn't react "nicely" in response to you laying out a needed boundary, it doesn't necessarily mean it was the wrong move. In Christian circles, we say sometimes that "the Devil leaves you alone when he knows you're not really DOING anything good!" Same principle.
