Quote: HD wrote: I'm just trying to figure out where all this is coming from. Did CH try to do something to you while you were sleeping last night? Did your C tell you to move on? Why are you so pissed off, Pam?
This is the old cop-out language, designed to make you look like you're being magnanimous. Well, if you set it free, and it flies back to you, then isn't it your responsibility to love it and nurture it?
And what about the kids?
You guys are tearing me up today.
H has been nothing but a great guy. Nothing has "happened" and my therapist did not tell me to move on. I am not "so pissed off". I simply don't want my H to be a member of the SSM "team". I'm tired of trying so hard to be a passionate wife.
I guess I'm a cop out. I'm not trying to be magnanimous, but I don't even know exactly what that word means without looking it up! I'm not trying to be anything but honest and real. We're both young enough to find true happiness. H asked me if there was one thing that could be different tomorrow, what would I want it to be. I don't know.
We both love our kids so much and want the best for them. What that is, right now, I have no clue. I hate to break up our family, but I strongly feel that as long as both parents love the children and can respect one another, that they will be fine.
I'm sorry, again, for being such a bummer.
Quote: HP wrote: I think you have a skewed idea of what marriage is all about. H didn't marry me cause he wanted to; he just did it cause I told him that's what we would do. He didn't CHOOSE me. I think that you have an idealized notion of what marriage is about and how people feel when they are in it.
I don't think so, but perhaps I do. H happened to be the first man to propose to me, but I know that he CHOSE me. He took so long to say "I love you" because he wanted to be sure that he did. That was why I wanted to be married before having kids. I wanted to marry a man that loved me, rather than marry me out of any obligation.
Quote: HP wrote: My girlfriends mother once told me that marriage is like an ocean wave--sometimes it's up and you are madly in love, sometimes it's down and you are not really sure what you're doing with that person. Is it possible that you are just on a down wave?
I've never been madly in love. This isn't a down wave.
Quote: LL wrote: oh and in defense of ch, my h is ld doesn't want sex much more than once a month...if I were to discover that he's been masturbaiting a few times a week while rejecting me I'd be insulted, hurt and humilitated.
I wasn't masturbating when I was LD and rejecting him. I was masturbating when I was HD, initiating and never rejecting.
