i feel weak to say it but there was a time even a few weeks ago...heck even 2 weeks ago where yes I would have got back with her even if she didn't love me truly and freely.
Don't feel weak. It shows you have grown in two weeks. It seems obvious in a lot of posts here on the board that newcomers feel just like you did two weeks ago. But not many will admit they want their S back even if it isn't with love.
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It does feel very strange and lonely to go from seeing and hearing from her via text everyday to darkness. Like part of my life and part of me has suddenly died. I am still grieving and mourning the loss. I do still hope she thinks of me and will someday see me in a loving way again and have desire to work on a R together. But I am trying my hardest to be honest with myself and know that is all out of my hands at this moment and I need to look I the mirror and look inside myself to decide who I want to be...just me.
Even though this is sad, it is also another sign you are growing. From what I have heard people say when they lose a spouse in death (which you've actually described here) it is like losing part of yourself. So I can see how the death of a M would feel much the same way.
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I am still in the "I hope she reaches out to me today" mode, and almost have to slap myself to make sure I don't try to contact her as I very much want to hear from her
It takes time, and you'll do it. You'll be sending us a post that says, "I hope she reaches out to me someday".
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I do want to grow old with my W. I do love her with everything I am...haven't found that off switch yet.
I don't think there is such a switch. Maybe it's one of those that you slowly dim, IDK. If not, then you can you love her from a distance. I don't believe you are required to stop loving her. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
