Pam, I hope this comes off the right way. I think you have a skewed idea of what marriage is all about.
Please don't think that your situation is unique or special in any way. We ALL think that about our spouses and usually quite often. I think, What drew us to each other in the first place? What was I thinking? I got married for the wrong reasons? And my personal favorite, H didn't marry me cause he wanted to; he just did it cause I told him that's what we would do. He didn't CHOOSE me.
We all have these demons and they don't make a whit of difference in the long run.
I think that you have an idealized notion of what marriage is about and how people feel when they are in it. Believe me, I would love for my H to be romantic but it is not in his makeup so if I want it, I have to suggest ways that he can do it and then "help" him follow through with it. Yes it sucks but I have to accept that he is a MAN who is fallible and has limitations. He is not a god who will never make a mistake or have shortcomings.
This whole "swept off your feet" thing...hmm, I don't know about that. It puts a LOT of the burden on him to make you feel a certain way. That is not real life. YOU are responsible for your own happiness and he is responsible for sharing that with you. He does not determine whether you are a happy person. You do. By continually coming back to the swept off your feet stuff, you know that you have him where you want him. He will fail you in this endeavor and then you are justified in not doing the hard work of repairing your sexual relationship.
That is not to say that he doesn't have any responsibilities to meet this need of yours; he does. But treating someone special and "sweeping them off their feet" are two different things. You are raising the bar SO HIGH that he has no hopes of ever reaching it.
Is that how you feel in regards to your sex life? That the bar is so high that you can't get there? Do you feel that he will only be satisfied with perfection?
Oh and one other thing. There are many days (usually when I'm in a down mood) that I think that I don't love my husband. Actually a better way to put it is taht I really don't know WHY I am in love with him. By all accounts, I shouldn't be. We share no hobbies or nothing in common. We have had to overcome huge hurdles in our marriage. But the fact remains that I do love him. I want a life with him, even if it's difficult, rather than take my chances with someone else.
I look at these happily married old folks and, Pam, not for one second do I fool myself into thinking that they did not have issues (even big ones) like I do. They just persevered. My girlfriends mother once told me that marriage is like an ocean wave--sometimes it's up and you are madly in love, sometimes it's down and you are not really sure what you're doing with that person. Is it possible that you are just on a down wave?
Hope your day got better and that you have a good night with CH.
