Just discovered Raine's threads about her sitch... And I'm now listening to Titanium as I read what my W posted on my FB timeline for my birthday...
Just said "Happy Birthday!" and then said she hopes it's a good day and that I don't get stuck at the DMV all day... and added the smiley emoticon with the tongue sticking out...
Also checked the card she got me -- pretty generic b-day card that she just signed "Love, W" -- We've both always been write-a-letter-within-the-card people, but of course I didn't expect that given the circumstances. Was nice to see that she wrote "Love" even if the feeling isn't really there... Almost prefer that over what kind of mess she might have written if she did try to write something more inside of the card.
MLC craziness... I get Monster... Monster makes sense... But this "friendly" behavior... just. don't. get. it. Not saying I want Monster to come back... Just baffled by the past two weeks of mostly civil and increasingly friendly behavior... We really have had moments this week where we were laughing with each other about stuff -- and I think the last time we've been like that around each other was pre-BD which was late October... OW is still in the picture but she's hiding her interaction with OW from me (which is silly because she's already admitted it to me and it's no longer a secret being kept from me), so I'm not stupid enough to think maybe she's changing her mind... It's just weird... Maybe she doesn't know what it's all about either... And of course my defenses are up and I keep expecting Monster to come roaring back at any moment.
Working on a playlist for the rest of today and this evening...
Titanium - David Guetta Bring Me to Life - Evanescence Stronger - Kelly Clarkson Wide Awake - Katy Perry Masterpiece - Jessie J Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson Anything But Ordinary - Avril Lavigne What Goes Around.. Comes Around - Justin Timberlake Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson Never Again - Kelly Clarkson Really Don't Care - Demi Lovato & Cher Lloyd Fire N Gold - Bea Miller Glow - Ella Henderson Open Your Eyes - Bea Miller Love Me - Katy Perry By the Grade of God - Katy Perry Burning Gold - Christina Perri Shot Me in the Heart - Christina Perri All You Had To Do Was Stay - Taylor Swift Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri Your Biggest Mistake - Ellie Golding Ghost - Katy Perry Empire - Ella Henderson Pieces - Ella Henderson The First Time - Elle Henderson Part of Me - Katy Perry You Haven't Seen the Last of Me - Cher On Top of the World - Imagine Dragons Demons - Imagine Dragons I Believe - Christina Perri Firework - Katy Perry This Moment - Katy Perry Clarity - Zedd Decode - Paramore Spectrum - Zedd
What else should I add?
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
I Will Follow You - Rivvrs Stolen Dance - Milky Chance Girl from the North County Fair - Lion (Sons of Anarchy version) Ways to Go - Grouplove She Wolf - David Guetta Whispering - Alex Clare Wetsuit Instagram Video - The Vaccines
AND when you get tired of all the sappy love songs that make you cry...
Love me Dead - Ludo Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger
Both songs are ABSOLUTELY vital to your ability to say F you and your crapptastic choices to your spouse. : )
At least check out those two and listen to the words. If not the Ludo video.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Yes -- very much enjoy the songs... I especially liked Wetsuit -- such a perfect song for today, my birthday :-)
For some reason that song gave me flashbacks to my college days (early 90s) -- I majored in art, so life was very much "spur of the moment" back then. We did everything we wanted when we wanted -- concerts, music fests, road trips, all-nighters in the art studios, and so much more...
It made me very nostalgic -- but no worries -- I won't be cascading into my own MLC as a result of turning 44. Sure, I have issues I need to work on, but I often think -- especially now that I know so much about this -- that I probably won't have my own full blown crisis for a few reasons:
1. I did "live it up" in my youth -- there isn't much I didn't do that I ever think, gee I wish I'd done that when I was younger... 2. My 20s were fun but also tough in some ways -- I was in my early 20s when I realized I was gay, so those years were very much about me figuring out who I was and exploring life to understand it all... 3. Because I majored in art -- and went on to get a master's degree in art -- I spent a LOT of time working out most of my childhood issues through my artwork... I don't think there is much left unresolved from my childhood that I haven't either painted out or dealt with in therapy or on my own...
Does it suck getting older and seeing more wrinkles, gray hair, and other issues with my body? Sure, but I wouldn't trade this for the angst of my 20s EVER. I really like where I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually -- and, despite some unavoidable physical aging issues (see above), I'm actually in some of the best physical shape that I've ever been in my entire life (thank you to my W for her MLC which caused me to lose nearly 30 lbs and spend a lot of time working out to deal with the anxiety!)
But it was fun to listen to that song and remember some very fun times with some incredible friends -- most of whom did wish me HB today on Facebook :-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
I agree. I'm loving my late 30s. I wish I had the body and wrinkle free face I had when I was 20 but I am so much more secure in myself now.
And that's the key for me -- so much more secure in who I am and wouldn't trade that for anything. I like the wisdom and maturity that I have now that enables me to be so secure in who I am.
I was talking to a friend last night about what I wrote in my last update -- about the reasons why my midlife transition probably won't be a crisis -- and she also said that it probably helps that I work in education as well (she does too) because we work in a profession that is all about people and as result we have witnessed so many different dramas, relationships, and human experiences that help us develop a deeper understanding of the complexity of life and relationships (not just romantic -- also among friends, family members, etc.). In our chat, we didn't even mention the number of psychology courses focusing on stages of development we had to take to get our degrees/certifications. I thought about that for a bit and agreed with her... And then reflected on the fact that my W works in technology and while she does work with people, her focus at work is on project management of software/website development projects... Not the kind of work that involves understanding and dealing with the variety of human experience & relationships.
Originally Posted By: BklynMom
Thinking of you.
Thanks! I am thinking of all of you very often as well -- and have a part in my daily prayers where I ask God to give you strength and to keep guiding all of you and your spouses as you all work through issues, follow your paths, and try to understand God's Will for your lives and marriages.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
