Gooood question labug. Thanks for pushing my thinking.
It's not rocket science. Fear probably fuels that. It's comes from the same place as all my other control issues.
I've been thinking about how to re frame the way I see him in my mind. He is losing so much more than me in this situation. And someday, when our D asks us what happened, I won't show anger but I also won't lie. He will have to find a way to explain it to her and live with it.
I do think he has "looked back" and probably questioned his decisions. But his own stubbornness (i.e. fear) prevents him from believing in positive change. That's sad. He's been described by friends and family as "grumpy", "not the most open with his feelings (that was from a guy friend!), even his family says he can be difficult.
We all have our own stuff to work on. But I can choose to imagine a future with a partner who sees my value, who appreciates me, and who s willing to be a true, intimate partner. My H is, IMO, too emotionally immature to really offer that. But that's not true of all men. Now that I am healthier and love myself, I won't be as fearful of opening myself up to someone else. And I won't settle for someone who can't be vulnerable and supportive, too.
