What you've said means a lot. I'm glad to see you're supportive of Pam, because I was worried that the reason she was giving up had to do with a non-supportive or demanding spouse. I'm glad also to see that you've been lurking here, as that is a great way to truly understand her. I wonder how many of our spouses are lurking here, reading our posts? It would be good, I think, if there were more. Maybe the thing you both need to work on more than anything at this point is the issue of trust. If she's afraid you can't "control yourself" (re the sleep-attack thing) she may not be able to be responsive. Maybe she feels she's doing all the work, and needs more of a committment from you to working on the real issues. I don't know...
Not to tout "yet another book", but yesterday W showed me a book she bought a while ago (which I knew nothing about!) by Dr. Phil, called "Relationship Rescue". Yeah, I know, Dr. Phil is sort of like the McDonalds of psychology at the moment, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have something meaningful to say at least once in a while. Also, as good as Michele's books are, they can't be the ONLY resource we make use of. Anyway, I had a look at Dr. Phil's book and it looks like a GOOD one. One section deals with "Exploding the 10 myths of a great marriage". One of those myths is "Sex has nothing to do with a great marriage" (or is it, "A great marriage has nothing to do with sex"?). Anyway, I naturally read what he had to say about that myth, and found it very wise and profound. One thing he said was that when a couple has a good sex life together, that issue might rate as a 3 or 4 on the scale of Importance in the relationship, but when the sex life is suffering, it becomes a 9 or 10 in importance. It becomes the main focus of the relationship, for at least one of the partners. I know that's abundantly true in my case. I didn't read any further than that, but I'm looking forward to reading that entire book - it may be of help.
I'm not sure at this point what can be done about it, as you can tell from reading my other posts. However, I do know that if Pam does truly Give Up, it will leave me and a lot of others with a LOT less hope for our own situations. If someone as committed and motivated as Pam gives up, what hope is there? That would be a sad day indeed.
