Gogofo - Learning to go dark

[gogofo]

What I make of it is that she needed an end to what was going on between us. The limbo of trying to "fix" the M was killing her. Now that the M has/will be ended that wipes the slate clean. We could possibly have a new start to a R without all of the pressure of fixing things.

This also guarantees that I will not be trying to come back to us living together. I was terrible at slowing down and not pushing the pace. This way I am in my own place with my own bills, etc, and we are not trying to sell a house and figure out what happens next.

I know she wants pursued and valued and appreciated. She said we were doing better apart, she was right. She also wants me to find myself and not be so worried about "us" right now.

This D will probably put us in a different mental state. I was scared to open my mouth and vocalize things when trying to reconcile. This did not help the situation. I operated with this feeling that if I messed up or angered her she would not want to try to reconcile.

We are both interacting differently and more freely, there seems to be a weight off of both of our shoulders.

She still seems has feelings for me, more than just a "friend" feeling. I don't know two friends who hug the way we hug when we break down the barrier between us. It is a very tight embrace that lasts longer than a normal hug and is tighter than a normal hug.

In the end this is all mind reading and speculation and things I have no control over. It seems to be a weird situation, not unique, just weird for me.

I do need some more advice and need to work on building myself. I am more excited than I have been to get into my house. Should be a good beginning to the next chapter in my life.