Starsky, What about the the NC that is out on the guy. should i drop that when i let her go? or should i leave the NC up.
I've been thinking long and hard on this, and I've read Train's thoughts on it as well, and philosophically I don't disagree with anything she said -- it's pretty much my position on most affair-busting and DBing. However, you have to keep in mind that the "RobX" approach is VERY different -- and in some ways the exact opposite. For example, while we normally preach no-contact and transparency, this plan says "Hey, you do what you want" (while at the same time saying "From now on I'm moving in this direction, if you want to come along, go ahead, I won't control you and tell you that can or can't come but I can't wait for you anymore and you already know that if you're with the OM, you aren't with me, I'm not settling for anything less than that.")
So my advice would be . . .
To remain SILENT on the issue of your NC order on her OM, hoping that she doesn't ask. And you keep it in place. However, if she asks you say something like "Look, I'm not lifting another finger to either do or UN-do any of the things I've done to try to save this marriage. I've already wasted far too much time and I need to start living my life, whatever that holds. But I really don't care who you see or you don't see anymore, because you're not with me. If you ever decide you want to be with me, well . . . my standards and boundaries are pretty clear, aren't they. You're a grown woman -- go do as you wish. This isn't working for me any more, and I deserve better than this."
