One of the things that came up was he said he hasn't been rude to me and I brought up the going out and such. He said that it was to drown his sorrow not to hurt me.
Mary, I can relate to some of your sitch. My husband sunk into a depression a few months before our son's 2nd birthday. He pulled away and it felt like he became a completely different person. He went out drinking all the time and, although I didn't know it at first, started an affair with a coworker. He was essentially in a fog and nothing I could do or so was going to bring him out of it. He had to do that on his own.
You cannot control him or his actions, only yours. IMO, you need to stop engaging him in conversations about R and even his behavior right now. I know how hard that is. It will save your sanity in the end though. Plus it avoids saying things in the heat of the moment that you or he might regret later. GAL and do things that make you happy outside of him. You don't need to intentionally exclude him from everything, just don't wait around for him either. Say with your actions "I'm going to be happy living my life. You are free to join if you want, and if you don't, that's okay too."
If he starts a conversation, be friendly and validate what he is saying. Remember validation doesn't mean you agree with what he's saying, it just means you hear him and you are trying to understand his viewpoint. In my person sitch I was amazed and how much that reattracted my H. I stopped trying to fix him and his problems and instead tried to say "I'm here for you".
I know we all want to fix things in an instant. Unfortunately that is rarely how this works. As Cadet always says, you've been given the gift of time. Use it wisely and work on making yourself the best you can be. That's literally the only thing you can control.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
