Still on call. Still stressed. But something good happened today so I thought I would chalk something down on the "gratitude" side of my ledger.

I saw the OM on the way to work today and I really felt very little inside. This is a huge improvement. Until now, every time I would see him (or even a car that resembled his own), I would perseverate on it and stress out and get angry - usually for the rest of the day. I think that with time the hypervigilance and hyperarousal that accompany the BHs PTSD start to gradually diminish. It also helps that I am beginning to detach: While I was trying to hold on to and control everything, my WAW and her OM held all the power and my moods/behaviors would be dictated by their actions. I elevated them to the status of puppeteers - and I was the d--n puppet. I am now starting to realize that my happiness and how I choose to behave is dependent on me and not on any external circumstances. I cut the strings. Now, to quote Pinocchio:

I've got no strings to hold me down, To make me fret, or make me frown. I had strings but now I'm free. There are no strings on me. (Music and lyrics by Leigh Harline and Ned Washington)
I never realized what a tremendously empowering song that is smile!! I am strong. I can move forward. I will do what is best for me and for my children.

If my W is choosing to make this mistake, it is her choice alone. They are actually quite pathetic together in their little conspiracy.

RAI

I am sure this is the first time anyone has quoted pinocchio on the board

Me 48 XW 45
lots o' kids
D April 2017