Devotion to a dream...

[phunguy]

There's a weird relief inside this sadness having the confirmation was satisfying for a while, "I knew it!" . Knowing. Hurting. It's f'd up.

It's today my new life begins.
All it was was a fairytale and devotion to a dream
No more promises
No more lies
No more keeping score
No more wondering
Now I find myself here at the start.
You always end up where start.

It's dawning I me how it starts and the entirety of the last few years seem almost predictable now having read the book. God I wish I'd have found this sooner. I might have been able to prevent it all. She said that the last few days have been hard on her cause she like, where has this guy been?? I'm not sure where she is in all of this but we talked quite a bit. Finally some honesty. Not that I believe her much but more information after she started to come clean. I don't think I'll ever forget that look on her face. She said sometimes she felt like she wanted me to catch her, just when I thought things couldn't get more f'd. I don't have any idea how I'll sleep and it's late.