[BrightFuture]

Bea, thanks. Yes, I was reading job’s post tread about depression. I will post my thoughts when I have more time. I find more signs in myself though… At least I know what it is.

Job, thank you. Yes, those muscles have not been used, as I haven’t done the yard work for quite some time. As a result, I have a lot to catch up with. The front of the house looks much better. There is still some more work to do. The backyard is a disaster though. I need to get motivated for that part. Or… Hire some help...

I know it is not much approved here, but I did look at H’s FB again yesterday. It seems like he changed the privacy setting, so I was not seeing any updates, until… I became friends with one of his friends. Actually this lady and her H were my friends first. They also have a place at the vacation home, and this is how we met. Anyway, I saw a couple of pictures posted by somebody else with H in them. On one of the pictures he is in the car packed with the women. He is on the back seat and there are three women with him, one of them sitting on his lap. Before, I would get my heart racing by looking at this. This time, I felt NOTHING! OMG, I really felt nothing! He looks so pathetic on this picture.

So, I was waiting until today to see if this feeling of feeling nothing would change. It didn’t! I don’t know what to make out of this yet, but it feels different.