Complex #5 - progress and throwbacks

[Mozza]

The following quote is from a different forum on infidelity. A WAH who's now back with his LBW wrote an account of his whole sitch, with the hindsight. He's saying the same thing that sandi2 and all other vets are saying but that doesn't seem to get to you.

"It is a truism that you can't reason with a person deep in an A. You can't "nice" them back. It did not work for my W. One other point I rarely see on here. You can't get them back through violence, threats, bad behavior etc. I know this because my W did this too. I'm not sure who invented the 180, but it seems like it would be the best course."

The 180 mentioned here is the equivalent of DBing: letting go, focus on yourself, etc. You constantly come back to the idea that you can talk your way out of this. You confront your WAW, you want ot write a letter, then you want to make a speech. You imagine that your WAW is sometimes in "reception mode". You're wasting precious time, you're getting into more trouble.

Went to the therapiat today. Not sure if she's very good. She is a good person, good listener, observer etc. but I don't know, are therapists generally giving practical advice of what I can do to overcome certain things? Or maybe my expectations are too high?

I was also hoping for a quick relief in the beginning. I wasted a lot of sessions describing the actions of WAW. It's only recently, after ome 15 sessions, that I've allowed my therapist to discuss the core issues of my personality. It has finally had the impact I was hoping for, as I feel I understand myself and I'm working on changes. Don't expect quick tips to help you in the long run.