Ok, So i first and foremost want to say that i know exactly what plan B is. I am not the one who is confused about it. it is her. That is what i was trying to explain to her, its not a "fine you couldn't stop contact with plan A so go ahead and go be with him and find out if you want him kinda thing". I was under the impression that i was working towards plan B with the seperation and the 180 and GAL things they are essentially the same from my point of view. Train, i want to give her what she wants but she is wanting me to drop the NC on OM. I will not do that, and she feels that the only other alternative is for the D. But from where i am standing there were a few positives from that convo now that i can sit and look back at it. She doesn't want a D but she is depressed and going through with drawls, that is how i saw her. As far as me repeating that i did not want a D it was in a context like this. W- "I just dont see how we can fix us, this relationship just cant be fixed when i am in love with someone else." M- " Well you already know my stance i do not want a divorce, but if you feel this is what is best then you file and i will not stand in the way!"
everytime she tried to urge me into making a decision i would say something to the point of this is not what i want but i will not stand in your way if this is how you feel. i never got emotional or anything. and when i walked away at the end of the night I hurt but i also knew that there is a glimmer somewhere in there.
So my question is this how do i do things more manly without being a Dbag. I AM ALL EARS ON THIS PART. The only thing it seems she wants is freedom to do what she wants without any consequences. And i am not going to stand for that.
I told her " there are boundaries that i have set and i will not allow myself to be pushed beyond those or for anyone else to walk on them. It has become apprant to me that you have fired me as your husband and do not care about my well being, I am standing up for myself and looking out for my best interests. and i will not be manipulated into violating one of my core values! i told her that!
Most of what you say as a LBS is "blah-blah-blah-blah".
I wouldn't try to have long drawn out speaches with a WAS.
However, you can SHOW her your core values that you don't allow your friends to walk over you and you definitely aren't going to still be helping them out if they do.
