W has been having an EA since apprx 10/13 and PA since apprx 6/14 with OW and OW's H whom is Quadriplegic. OW "fell in love" with OW's H but it appears that relationship is really about taking advantage of him. OW is paid by the state to be his caretaker...reduced price rent as they live together, provided vehicle to transport H, reduced rates on utilities etc. and OW yet, he is getting the raw end of the deal because OW is now on her 3rd (at the time married W of which my W is the 3rd) woman whom she is having a relationship with. Wy W is over there constantly and has been for almost a year.
I have done everything wrong at some point including beg, cry, try to force them apart etc.
FIL came out first of the year with attempted intervention which also failed. Since then I have given her a temp. free pass as she has continued to request time to think so she can make a decision right for her.
About a month ago I tripped upon DB website, have read DR, parts of it multiple times. In the last thread I have learned more about how I am enabling W. I have done her laundry for almost a decade of which I quit about a week ago. I no longer continue to ask questions until I get an answer to them which is new for me. I ask once and if I am told she will let me know, I do not ask again regardless of the consequences (unless it has to do with D6 and I need to truly know). W still lives at home but comes and goes as she pleases. She is gone 4-7 days a week right now in the evenings/nights where she does not come home until 11pm - 3am timeframe.
I have not mentioned OW in a month now. I have not temp. checked in 3ish weeks? IC is about to give up on hope that W will come back to marriage but this website and DR keep me strong in understanding I am the one that choses if/when I am done.
W hadly speaks to me right now, which I think is what hurts the most but it helps me learn to slowly detach. I have slept for junk for about 4 months now but that is starting to improve sometimes.
GAL...I have not had a cigarette now in 5 days! I have been swimming at the pool now 3 days a week for 2 weeks. I got out now once a week for the last month. Each day at home I try to find something new or fun to do for me when D6 is asleep and W is gone to both help me pass the time and give me something to enjoy.
Solution based actions... a department I need to work on very hard. I use words too much and not enough actions. I always describe or forecast what I am going to do and I have stopped doing it. I just do it now. Very hard for me.
Starsky says W will not leave OW until there are consequences for her actions. I am still trying to wrap my mind around what all that means. I have left my lawyer's card and some info on co-parenting class you have to take if you D in my bathroom in hopes she trips upon it. I am considering separating finances but I know I would just be doing it right now in spite and not for protection so I need to think of more things that help protect and support me.
Last, thank you. Never done this whole forum thing before. Never posted or blogged etc. heck I only got a facebook 8 months ago! LOL and it was D6's school and socializing with friends that live far away. A lot of you have responded with support and great ideas and even called me out when necessary. 98% of DR is about what I need to do if W comes back to R...until then this forum is the only tool I have to help with a current WAW/PA marriage. I read the old times tips but if anyone has a link to an old thread they thought was mighty helpful, go ahead and slap that on here too. Loved the detaching and boundaries threads a few on here recommended and I re-read them all the time. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
4mendmj
Me:39 W:33 Married 6/07 D6 Found out about affair 9/14
