Does our good date change anything? Not really. It proved to me that we still have a spark - if we can make each other laugh and flirt like teenagers for 5 1/2 hours straight. Who knows if that spark will lead anywhere. But in terms of my course of action? It doesn't change a thing.
I have never been comfortable with early stages of dating (if I can think of it like that). I think it comes back to anxiety, uncertainty, fear of lack of control.
I'm going to try to see this as another opportunity to practice letting go of outcomes.
Reminding myself of what my DB coach said to me yesterday: Right now it's key to maintain consistency, and not change course but keep doing the things I'm doing.
I'm also trying to really understand my motives here.
I haven't made many GAL plans for this weekend/next week, so I'm trying to line some things up but don't have any plans for tomorrow night (Friday).
I could go to the cinema but would I only be doing it for the sake of doing something? And if so, is it a waste of money? To give H space? To prove to him I have plans?
If I don't go, and he is doing something else, am I going to feel bored? Resentful? (This was a problem in our M sometimes - I'd assume we'd be spending the evening/weekend together and then he'd make last minute plans and I'd get resentful, even though I knew it was unfair.) If I don't go and he's at home or we end up doing something, is that bad because I should be giving him space?
Why is it so hard to figure out what I actually want?
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
