I think the emotion is real, and she sounds like she may be reaching the second stage of what I call "the four stages of remorse." The emotion is probably real, but the contrition and remorse isn't there yet. I don't think she sees yet the damage she has caused to you, nor even to herself with her destructive decision to allow OM into your marriage.
But maybe she's getting there . . . time will tell.
Starsky
from my personal archives:
Stages of Remorse:
I do think your wife is in one of the early stages of remorse, but there are several stages. They'll go from "I'm sorry I got caught," to "I'm sorry for ME that I've messed myself up so much," to "I'm sorry for YOU that I hurt you (but I still don't see anything wrong with what I did)," to finally a more self-aware "I'm sorry for what I did because IT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO, on so many levels. For me, for the pain I caused my husband, for the breaking of my vows, etc."
