Well, this is just a diary entry really. Just have had some thoughts in my head lately and figured other perspectives may help... that is if anyone even wants to comment!
I thought we made a great couple and that's why I married him. I grew up as a girl next door type who loved playing with boys and tomboys. Romance wasn't a huge issue for me back then. It wasn't necessary to shower me with gifts. I still feel this way, however there is something that is missing or lacking.
My therapist called me yesterday to see how I was doing since we've reduced our sessions from bi-weekly to once a month as a couple. She seems to be pushing me to come in every week and we just can't afford that. She backed off and asked if she could followup with me every Monday. Fine with me, I suppose. I don't know. It's been on my agenda this week to sit down and really think about what I need from my husband and now all of a sudden that is my "homework"??? Hmmm.
I was on a web site yesterday and copied these quotes because they struck me somehow. Here they are:
"Very early in our marriage we posted a piece of wisdom that has helped us through good times and bad. It read, "Marriage is like running a farm, you have to start all over every day." It takes work to have a good marriage and lots of it! (Saul, 66, married 41 years)"
Isn't that so true?! I keep thinking about this quote and can't quite put my finger on whether we're both running the farm or not.
"Look at her - a lot. Let her "catch" you staring, glancing, etc. It shows her you are noticing her doing normal everyday things - it makes her feel special. She in turn will notice you. It's that simple. Once you stop looking, she'll look around to see if anyone is noticing her. And the first person that does could cause a potential conflict in your marriage. All women want to feel special. If a husband does not, will not or can not make his wife feel special, she will fill that void elsewhere. (Sharon, married 7 years)"
This hit me in the forehead! I feel taken for granted for the most part, as if I'm a glorified roommate who should be a nimphomaniac. LOL... a bit sarcastic!
"Support your wife in her life's work and hobbies. Celebrate her individual successes. She then will support and celebrate yours. Help your wife to become her own unique and powerful individual. She will help you. Two heads are better than one. Listen to your wife; mine is more often right about which direction to go than I am. Don't make a big deal out of little stuff, save your "big deal" reactions for the big stuff. Have fun together. Avoid jealousy. Set her free and she will be there with you; she will be grateful you are not controlling her. Your own freedom comes from being together when you support her. (George, 44, second marriage of 14 years)"
That hits even harder. My husband lacks in this department. He doesn't really seem to have hobbies other than watching hockey. He likes to play golf... and I don't share his enthusiasm for it. I go with him and enjoy the sunshine and challenge, but it's not an activity I look forward to or even think about. I encourage him to go with friends as much as possible and love to pat him on the back when he's had a good round. I wish he encouraged me more than he does. He compliments my aquarium once in a while, but complains when I buy stuff for it... like plants or pricey fish. He also pouts over my need to communicate with people. He absolutely hates that I am so open and he feels like our life is an open book.
I've hinted in a few of my posts that he does this and I've even discussed it with him, but he just doesn't seem to get my POV. It makes me feel as if he doesn't TRUST me. Like, I'm only doing it because I'm secretly hoping to find someone better than him. It drives me crazy! Why can't he just understand that I NEED to communicate and help people? Why can't he just understand that the board is theraputic for me? And... why does he insist on checking up on me by seeing who I've posted to and what I've said to them? I guess that's a bit of a vent!
I feel like I'm always the one to fix the problem. I have a very difficult time feeling entitled to the "extra" things especially now that our money depends mostly on him. One of H's suggestions was that he work a second job... at night. That struck me as a jab instead of a solution! I mean, how sane would I be without a break? I really look forward to him getting home at 4:30 every day! Not just because it relieves me from full responsibility of the kids, but because I love being around him. I wish he was more excited to see me.
