Susana (4) - Do you have to be confusin'?

[susana4]

Feeling a bit down this morning... I think it's expectations, or a need to know getting in the way. I had a nice time last night, I need to just leave it at that but instead in my head I am asking "but what does it mean?" I didn't expect anything in particular to happen, but I guess I'd hoped for some sign things were moving in the right direction.

Instead, I don't know if H and I are stuck in being friends who have inappropriate tickle fights. (This morning he told me he was quite tipsy last night so I guess I should discount his actions last night anyway) He introduced me to someone as his "friend" last night - that stung.

This last week, since H got back from his ski trip, the atmosphere has really changed. We feel very solidly like friends. I feel like I have my best friend back. Except he's not meant to be just my friend, he's my H.

I'm ok with being friends in the short term (my DB coach says it's important to rebuild friendship) if it leads to R, but I feel like in the longer term if we're not going to R, I don't want to be friends. But he is quite obviously attracted to me (his eyes were roving a LOT last night, he commented several times he liked my dress, he was visibly excited by me and the tickle fight was obviously inappropriate) so I'm just confused why he's stopping himself. But I guess he's confused. Clearly though this is not sustainable as a friendship in the long term.

I am spending too much time thinking about the future, right? And trying to guess what will happen and letting expectations get in the way? I get caught up in thinking about evaluating "what works" and second guessing myself. What I've been doing seems to be drawing H closer, but then I start to worry it's not the right "kind" of close...

I'm going to write up my notes from my call with DB coach yesterday in a minute.