Train, Oh boy where to start, so W shows up at my house and says she wants to talk about our mutual friend that is coming into town and how we are going to split time spent with him, so i agree. Sly little bugger she is. She then transfers into talking about what we are going to do about our situation in the future. I said I am not comfortable talking about this right now. She says listen i do not want to talk about feelings or anything i just wanna talk about facts and the future of us. So slap my head with a 2x4 I agreed. she started by stating that when we were happily married that we both agreed that we could never live with infidelity. she says, you kissed a girl once and everything else was fuzzy so you say, and i got an emotional attachment with someone back here. did not mention the PA. she then states these were our beliefs and she still stood by them. I ask so what are you saying, she said i just don't see where we go from here. i said ok i understand that its a tough spot we are in right now i can see how you feel that way. i then said lets keep looking at facts. once when we were happily married you stated that you could never see how someone would cheat on their spouse yet here we are a product of that same belief and fact. why do you not stand by that belief like you are the one that ends with me and you ending.
i then said to her, let me make this very clear W i do not want a divorce. i still see some sliver of hope. She tried to play the im miserable card. she look at me and said, i've lost 10 lbs, im on meds now, i am completely unhappy and i refuse to live this way. i look at her and i said, so you believe by getting rid of me you will be happy. she said i dont know but i think so. I asked if this had anything to do with OM she said a little bit but most of it was from the way i handled the entire situation. again trying to throw blame on me and say i have done everything my way and never cared about her feelings, and all she wanted to do was go back to doing acrobatics and gymnastics. I said you can do all those things still. She got angry and was like no i cant since you put that NC on OM i cant go do those things. i said look no one is telling you, you cant go. he is the one that needs to leave. she tried defending him choosing acro over her. i said doesn't it show you something that he chose acro over you. and i left it at that.
As the convo went on it was apparent what she was trying to get me to do. as we would talk the circle kept coming back to that NC on OM. i finally told her look, i want to try and make this work baby steps and then who knows but it is obvious you don't want to. she states that she cant give me what i want cause she is in love with another person. I looked at her and said if he is what you want so badly then you know what you have to do. I played her card back on her. i said you need to woman up and file for D. at first she agreed and started walking with the idea but i never backed down. i kept telling her its not what i wanted but if she filed i would not stop her.
She then asks me why i never followed through with the plan that was in the book that we were trying out when i got back. it was called "surviving the affair" i said because you could even go two weeks without contacting OM. she instantly says yeah well there was also plan B why did you never follow through with plan B. now plan B is to allow your spouse to go to OM/OW and for you to go totally dark. legally separate and let them find out what was what. So now we have come to the full reason of the visit and the entire conversation. She used everything in her arsenal to soften me up to try and get me to remove the NC on OM so she could be with him and let us try " " plan B. I said what kind of man would i be to drop the charges and just let you go sleep and live with another man. she tried drawing into another argument. she asked me what i would have done to OM if i was not in the military i said i probably would have destroyed his face. she goes well at least that is the manly way to handle things. I looked at her ans said listen i do not like how you are talking to me and if you continue we are going to have to end this conversation. so we go around the D word allot her saying she see's no other alternative and me saying i don't want it but i will not stop her from filing each and every time.
Finally she says i don't want D i just want for you to try plan B with me. i said why does plan B matter if in the end you are not going to leave this island with me why does it even matter. you already said you will not leave with me. i said so D me and go live your life. well boy how the too changed. so anyhow i said i could not answer her right then on the plan B thing and i need to just think. she said she needed to think as well. and we left it as that.
tomorrow i am going to see a lawyer and see what my rights are. this has really taken a turn for the worst. but then again i knew it was coming and i knew the moment she started talking what her angle and ploy was and i didn't fall for it. i'm not going to make it that easy on her. sorry for such a long blog
