Wife having emotional affair 5

[3kids]

I feel a storm a brewing!

So living in a small town in America is kind of funny. Last night the MIL posted something on Facebook about her daughter needing to find a cheap place to live. Because her house sold and needed to find a place for her(daughter) and family until she was finished with college. Some people called me to congratedulate me on selling the house. And others that know what's going on called or texted to laugh because either Mr. Wonderful isn't helping her or because her mommy has to help her find a place to live. I kind of just acknoledged all the comments. But was unsure on how I felt. After thinking about it for a little bit, my disappointment subsided. I was down because I was thinking of it as a negative(she isn't coming home). But then I started to look at it as a positive. First she isn't getting a place with OM, at least then she wouldn't be asking for help from family. Second, maybe this is a good thing. She can finally see what real life is. With ALL the bills and new place and new life.

Then came tonight's quick spew at me. She called to ask if she could schedual the little guys friend birthday party on my weekend(the one she was suppose to plan two weekends ago and now this weekend but hasn't). I was at work and told her that I would have to look at my schedual at home and get back to her. I asked "I thought you where going to do it this weekend". She blew up that she has to much going on (we do have some kid stuff but mostly OM is going back home, I think). "What ever I'll figure it out". I said before you hang up did you look at what I asked you to do(insurance mail). "I'll text you later,click". Apperantly she can't talk to me or was so upset that I didn't give in to her way she didn't want to talk. I almost let my emotions get the best of me. But held back. I have a feeling more of this is going to come in the near future.

I can tell because the kids are texting me all night. And they only do that if mom is screaming at them and they have locked them selves in there room. I think life is hitting her so time for LBS to get the kick back dumping. So I'm looking forward to the challenge of controlling my anger and my emotions. It will be a good test for me.

Thanks,
3kids

[Mozza]

Thanks a lot for the update. It's really interesting to see a sitch that's a year old or so and that still evolves. I think there's plenty more in the future, the way it looks right now.

[PatientMan]

Things evolve AT LEAST until reality sets in or there is no need for contact with the ex-spouse. Sometimes reality sets in relatively quickly, other times it seems like never as the person chooses to live in delusion.

Good job on keeping your emotions in check, 3kids! The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Just like anything else, you get better with practice.

-PM

[3kids]

Thank you both.

I am interested to see what happens next with the wife. This is probably a very big reality check for her. When I first told her to leave our house because of OM. She went and lived with her mom for six months. Then when I decided to sell the house, she moved in to it when I moved out. So finding a place by her self or with OM for REAL (knowing her in her teenage stage she is in right now) might sock her. They have looked at places before when their dream land was so bright and sunny. But maybe that dream is starting to turn grey. But what do I know, all that is assuming and assuming is BAD. I am interested in which spouse comes out. Will it be this spouse I haven't seen much of that spews at me or will I keep getting the spouse that just doesn't talk to me except when it benefits her. I prefer that later. Much easer to deal with. We will see!

Ending on a bright note. The paper work I've been waiting for finally came. I have insurance through my company but it is terrible. My company does not meet the guidelines for the state on insurance. Although I am not covered, my kids are fully covered through the state now. Which is a huge releaf for me. Even though we never go to the doctor(knock on wood), they are covered. I could really care less about me. This is awesome.

Thanks,
3kids

[3kids]

I hate when my mood changes. I was having such a great day. My oldest was at a basketball tournament. His team and him where doing awesome. They ended taking second place. Which for a team that has lost a lot of games this year is great.

The wife showed up. Then I got lied to, nothing new. She said in convo that she didn't have any idea yet where she was going to live or that she hasn't talk to our realtor. Funny then the daughter came up at the exact same time and said "daddy you should see the cabin the realtor showed us. It's only two bed rooms but very cute". Just sick of being told lies. Then I get at the end of the day comments to me by the wife. As I was leaving I told her that I'm glad she was doing better. " She said that's just it I'm not doing any better or any worse. Nothing ever changes. But what am I going to do its to late to go back and I would look stupid if I did." I said something towards "you never know".

I know this was just testing the waters or something. But I'm just hurt by everything. Maybe I'm not leaving the door open by my comments. I know I can't change her but it just stinks if this is what she is thinking that she can't come back because she would look like a fool.

[Zelda09]

3kids,

You know this, but her head is her mess. Whatever thoughts are keeping the mess going...who knows. Yeah, it does stink. If pride/ego/too much water under the bridge are the reasons she's hinting at for it all now? Not reasons, excuses. If she was someone you could respect or wanted (your posts lately don't lean in that direction), and who was remotely trying to earn back what she destroyed...maybe her mess would be something for you to be interested in helping her with.

If she showed up on your doorstep tomorrow begging for her M, what would that look like to you, how would you feel?

It sounds like you've been in a great, great place taking your heart back Into your hands where it can be protected, nourished, safe...

Keep at it!

Also looking like spew and storms ahead but sometimes things get worse before they get better, in any sense.

Have a GOOD Sunday.

[Zelda09]

PS, a thought - did she lie to you about the cabin out of compulsory whatever, or bc she wanted to see if you'd take opportunity to roll out the red carpet home if you believed she hadn't found herself a home? Sometimes people say "you don't love me" trying to bait the ILYs. Maybe her defeatist statements are some of this...

But I have to believe WW WAS is going to have to work a lot harder than that, even with this pointless speculation about her mess.

You can still be kind, friendly, and I think your "you never know" was perfectly delivered.

[3kids]

Thanks Zelda.

The part that hurts still is all the lies and hiding she does. It's like she lives off of it. The kids have even caught her in lies lately. The wife told the oldest bio dad's grandma that OM wasn't home on the phone. The daughter asked her why she just lied to the grandma. And she brushed it off. I suppose the junkie is just trying to get more of a fix by being more of a secret.

I know it's her mess. But when you have kids they are always in your life. It's not like a coworker where you can ignore them and just walk away. These people control half of your kids life. So it is a concern.

I guess it comes down to, you just want this person to stop acting this way. Stop the lies and hiding. Grow up! If they truly want to be with OM just be with them. Get the divorce and be done. Just frustrated by lies and hiden ajenda.

[sandi2]

So why don't you file?

[3kids]

Sandi, that is a question I've been asking myself lately. Seriously!

First, I was thinking it is the house. I'm about a month out from finalizing it being sold. So do I wait so I don't have any trouble with her, don't know? Second, how do you know your emotionally ready to do it. Although I don't like to admit it, I still have some hope. A lot of hope was put on her finally finding a place by her self. Facing life changing events. Third, is something I said to myself at the beginning. I did not want to be the one to say we are done. I want a divorce. More because I just can't fathom that image in my kids eyes. Daddy wanted a divorce. Even when my daughter came home last night. And told me that she spent most of the weekend in her room because she got in trouble for not being nice to OM all weekend. Then she says I hate this rotten divorce. Then my six year old chimes in and says the exact same thing. But adds I wish this never happened I want it all back to normal. How do answer back to that much hurt. That much pain. The simple I love you's and I'm sorry get old. I want to tell them. Be mean if you don't like him, be rotten to the core. It's your feelings express them, let them be heard. But that's not right either. Still haven't figured out the best option on that.

Who am I to crush there dreams and hopes. I think you know how much my kids mean to me. If I file to me it's because I've given up all hope. And am I in the right state of mind to find the right person for me next. Am I there yet I don't know, I don't think so. I don't feel it yet. I'm busy, I GAL, and I have my own life now. How you get to that point is just not getting to me.

Maybe because every time lately I get the kids back. They just want so much love from me. It's getting so exhausting. If you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong I love it to death. I just feel like I'm trying to fill there needs for both parents. I want to be there for them so much. But listening to there pain just eats me up in side. And I don't think asking for a divorce would get much accomplished.

If any one has any advise on the kids on how they act towards OP. Like when they show hatetred towards them. Just looking for a good response.

Thank you so much for just being here!
3kids