Oh and one other thing you would want to check out is the Dear Peggy website. I think it goes hand-in-hand nicely with DBing...especially for those who are in recovery. At a later time, you and W might want to read some articles from Dear Peggy...particularly on how to recover from W's affair and getting past it.
In fact, I referred Train to that site. Both Train and her H did read some articles which promoted them to have some heart-to-heart discussions about her husband's A.
Remember Rome wasn't built in a day. One day at a time.
Just providing you with some helpful ideas for you and Mrs. Kieran.
W has been in contact with OM, but has been forthright about it. She says she is worried about his mental health because he is currently away from his home and friends, and she wants to stay in some degree of contact for one more week until the OM's wife is able to join him.
This is really upsetting to me. I feel like W is putting OM's needs ahead of mine. She has already agreed that we won't be able to successfully work on our M until the contact is broken. On the other hand, she has shown a commitment to transparency by telling me about the contact, and has set a final date for no contact.
I have said that she needs to be honest with herself about why she is contacting him. This contact has a cost and it is delaying the reconciliation she says she wants. I don't know what else to do right now except get on with my own life for the next week and maintain a positive attitude.
I made the mistake of allowing my wife to meet with her OM "one more time, for closure," even though I was strongly advised NOT to. Instead of breaking off her affair, she fell back into it even more deeply.
This is the equivalent of giving the alcoholic permission to have "just one more night of drinking, just so I'll know what I'm missing." It's playing with fire, and is not good for you OR your wife.
I wanted to echo what Wonka said above about how critical it is to find a *good* MC. In many respects you are putting your M in this persons hands. If the MC is focusing on the happiness of the individuals in the M but not on the M itself, they may end up facilitating the premature demise of the M.
I have a lot of regrets, but one of the biggest ones is that I was not selective enough when choosing the MC. Hold them to a high standard. Your M deserves it.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
