Card29 X - Let It Be

[Card29]

I promise I'm not deserting DB. I've just been a little preoccupied lately.

Definitely no expectations from the kiss! It actually went just as I hoped. A delightful 10 seconds, and now, if that's really it, at least our physical relationship ended on my terms.

I found out she smoked a cigarette, too. I was pretty pissed to hear that. Weed, okay, whatever. But why in the hell would a 30 year old, a vegetarian who only buys organic produce, just decide to pick up smoking? Yes, it was only one cigarette, and she was really drunk. But given the rest of her trends, I suspect it won't be the last time she tries it. Try it a few times and you start to like it, then who knows. Best case she becomes a "I only smoke when I drink" person. I'm sure I'm overreacting, but I don't want that for her, and I definitely don't want D2 to have a smoking mom. I've thoroughly voiced my concern on that.

She definitely seems lost. I think a part of her doesn't want to get a divorce but she just doesn't have any faith that things could be different. Maybe she will give herself a chance to try to be happy on her own. I told her I'm not filing or paying any of the fees associated with it. She accepted that. I told her that I'm still willing to try, but that I wasn't going to stand in her way. I told that I might still be willing to down the line, if I'm not seeing anyone (DB mistake?).