Yea, the little boy is stomping his feet trying to get mommy's attention. So now he is hitting you where he knows it hurts...saying things about the kids.
Do not engage.
I wouldnt send anything like what you wrote. He wont remember that about last year and right now he cant hear anything.
So,you are going to see more anger. Too bad. So sad. Not your problem.
He doesnt get to come in, turn your life around AGAIN and then stroll out like he didnt do it. Frig that.
uR- Remembering that he isn't hearing anything now is a good reminder for me. I need to remember there is nothing I can say or do to get through to him. Nothing. And the last thing I want to do is engage in the middle school banter which he is used to participating in. Count. Me. Out.
Train- that's a great quote! Love those beautiful willow's!
Hey Karma! Thank you for support!
OK, so my conundrum...
(Yeah, yeah.. what else is new?!)
Xh told d14 to text her after sledding so he could drop something off to her(and apparently he did text her at 6:30 this morning- whew).
She texted him and then looked out the window and saw he wasn't there. I saw the look on her face immediately change. She texted him immediately and said something like never mind, dont bother- I see you aren't home.
Then, something happened that never happens. She cried. Well... her kind of cry. She got teary-eyed. This is the second time recently. I kid yo not... this child never friggin cries. I felt so bad. It crushed me. I kissed her head and told her I loved her. Then I said that it was my fault bc I told him that he could arrange plans with her another time. (Plus her friend was going to spend the night but then ended up having to leave right before d14 texted xh).
So, he said he was on his way to see her and to go out to the truck. She did, and they sat in the driveway for awhile.
It still makes my stomach all sorts of crazy... panic type stuff. But I was going back and forth in my mind.
I was thinking first- I'm going to tell him why I don't talk to him.... uh.. duh... no I'm not.
Then, OK, he doesn't hear me anyway... what's the point.
Alright- I'm not even going to let any of it bother me.
But, the whole time I kept thinking about d14. How crushed she was. How she never says anything, but I knew exactly what she wanted. Her dad to come in for a little bit.
Now, I started going back and forth with this thought.. you know..
Then, I concluded, OK, I could handle it. I don't have to talk to him, really. I don't want to do this. I don't want to see him. But, it's my baby's birthday. OMG, this sux! OK, be the mom. What's important here?
OK, so I went out and pulled d14 aside. I asked her if she wanted to invite her dad to come in for dinner or cake. She lit up like a Christmas tree. I told her it was fine, but I wasn't sure if he would.
He declined. That's fine. I feel good knowing that I did what I thought was best for d14. But, I have to say that this is some tough stuff to navigate through.
I just don't like the disrespect and lack of concern the two of them showed towards my family. And I will always feel protective over my kids about that. Like I'm the only adult who cares what they have done and are doing to them.
But I don't want to seem bitter or angry when it comes to dealing with my kids. OK, one day at a time. But I do need to have a plan in place for when things come up. (Like last night when xh came over and said, "Hi Mighty" to me in front of everyone. Blah. I think I grimaced. That was my response greeting.
Mighty - down the line this all comes back to haunt the MLCer. Children can and do forgive their parents in time, but they tend not to forget this stuff. Sadly, it goes deep.
My xh is now pursuing them like crazy, at least for now. Can't decide if it is genuine or the latest bright shiny object that has caught his attention. The thing is, they are not impressed and very very cautious
You are doing well.
Oh and I have a very dead willow in my garden. It got hit by lightening! Just sayin
D14 & I had fun last night. She had me laughing so much I was crying. I haven't laughed like that in a long time.
But I feel like I am crashing. I'm ok, but I feel this strange tension now. Not having xh here for a birthday is really tough. Like the nail in the coffin. I knew exactly what he was going to do. He hasn't stayed at hww's this week, and I knew he would last night. And it's fine. Doesn't bother me so much.
I was right on. I didn't look to see later, but I knew it. I was fine with it. But for some reason, today is a little more difficult. Almost like crashing from a high or something.
I have still been doing a little reading about narcissism, and things are jumping out at me. In fact, it is bringing up memories that I stuffed away. I had a tendency to focus on the good- ignore the bad.
But I don't know. It's just so crazy. I feel like he is gone for good. I mean, I think it and know it, but I guess I'm now feeling it or something.
Today is just different. Yesterday was different bc I felt a little better and more in control of my emotions. Today I just feel empty, afraid, rejected. Something g like that.
I do have a lot going on today, and tonight my fam is coming over to celebrate kids bdays. (We have 1 fam party for them bc their bdays r 6 days apart.)
I think the pursuit/distance dance is over. I just feel that. I also feel that I will get squirted by anger now- on a whim.
I don't know what else to do about this. I am upset bc it impacted d14 birthday. Xh said he was going to take the kids Sunday (he told d14). S17 got bent out of shape. He said he can only handle xh in small doses and can't be around him too much.
Ok, so another day. I do feel relief to be out if all their drama. It is so toxic and energy suuking. I can't believe my xh is living this life. It is so unreal. He hated drama and is now acting like a teenager and with someone who acts like a teenager.
Oh- speaking of... Xh recently went from a blackberry to iphone. He didn't know much about the iphone, and I was showing him. But, I noticed on my verizon call log, his number was no longer showing up. I couldn't tell if he was contacting the kids or not. I saw there is an app for the iphone to block his number from showing up on the call log. That is such a teenage behavior! OMG!
I don't wanna know anyway...
But I know sometimes he manipulates. But his deal. I will protect my kids best I can.
The questions is not whether he is gone for good this time or not. The question is are you? He is still spinning and probably will be for a long time if not forever. You need to determine if you have finally moved on and put the old husband / MLCer behind you without the need to look back. If you are you need to stop having feelings about where he is in the process or letting his spew control your emotions.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
He said he can only handle xh in small doses and can't be around him too much.
I wonder if your xh and mine are twins from another mother: my sons feel the same. If it helps, I think they become more narcissistic in MLC. My xh really wasn't but he became the poster child for it.
They spin and spin and eventually we just observe it, and dance along in our own way.
Learn to love yourself and take yourself at your valuation, not that poor sad guy
