W still having PA with OP

[4mendmj]

The highs and lows of this process. Last night I came home, thinking/knowing that W would be upset/mad that I purchase laundry hampers and put all her laundry in her room. I walked in the door and W was on the phone with the OW. I completely 180d... instead of getting standoffish or even going in a different room to "give her space"/not want to hear it...I just started talking to her like she didn't have a phone to her ear. Pretended she wasn't rude enough to be talking to OW. She knew I would walk in the door at 815pm...no mystery there...but me...I just started talking "how was your day" etc.... within a few minutes she went into her bedroom to continue her conversation. Fine, bye bye. I got myself something to eat and headed into the living room. Another 180...I would always wait until she was around to watch one of the few shows we wanted to really watch together. Nope. I sat down, turned on the show I/we really wanted to watch and started watching it. It did not take 2 minutes and she was out in the living room. No clue why...whether it was the pretending she wasn't on the phone, starting a show we both love without her...who knows, doesn't matter. I said X show just started. She sat down and started watching right away. Very little talk the rest of the evening other than around whatever show we watched but I made it clear at least for now that I was going to live "As if" and she can join me or not.

This morning hurt. I learned this morning for D6 that OW came over last night before I got off work. D6 said mommy made her a pb&j and gave her the rest of the (large) bag of potato chips. D6 told me she ended up with a tummy ache from eating too many chips. Drug addiction mommy handed a kid a sandwich and 1/3 of a large bag of potato chips and D6 ate it all and paid the consequences. Sad for W frankly. D6 told me that OW came over. D6 said D6 got put in bed and wasn't able to "chat" with OW (D6 thinks that D6 and OW are BFFs because W and OW keep buying D6). D6 was upset this morning that W said she had to go to bed and could not talk to OW.

Also found this morning OW made a heart in the snow in our driveway yesterday evening when she came over. I am soooo flipping upset/pissed over that but I am applying the 48 hour rule to this one. I took a photo of the heart (made with a shoe at the bottom of our steps). I almost sent a photo of the heart to OW and W at the same time saying something like "not cool" but knew I would just be making it worse. Instead I will use the photo to bring up a boundary I have...going forward I do not want OW in our home. I have seen lots of references throughout the forum about other LBSs stating boundaries over this one and I am going to have to do the same.

I keep waffling...Train's post about finally getting what she wanted (H back home) and then still suffering through it all hits home. OntheUp's wife not only speaks to him but talks to him like nothing is wrong yet he is moving out momentarily. WTF is wrong with these WAS? I know, lots. But I keep reading....time...time is your friend...marathon not a sprint...I keep reading the old timer's advice threads and the tips and tricks threads...DBing is about changing you for the better and if the WAS sees it or comes around...lucky them not to lose "a guy no one could lose"... I struggle with that much of that does not apply to me right now because I cannot apply about 95% of what is in DR that I have now completely read...I cannot apply about 95% of all the tips and tricks on the board.

Why? My spouse is still having an affair. Dead middle of it. Wish she was at rock bottom but she is not, she has signs of it but she is not. I wish she was. I wish I had a magic bullet but alas, I do not. I cannot apply most of these tips and ideas and solution oriented processes (takes one to tango) to my sitch because of the affair. I have to detach and that stinks...I have to live as if because it is true that I will be ok no matter what...I keep trying to find the magic bullet, but I might actually start succeeding as soon as I quit looking for it.

I read the success forums. Most of them the WAW was literally 24-72 hours before retrovial time, still spending 95% of their life with OP...so like you don't even know when it is going to happen. You have to be you, you have to be thankful you are still in the same home so at least she can see the improvements/changes you are making... you have to live your life in hopes that your spouse and their R with OP blows up regardless of whom destroys it and comes back to your R... I have always feared that if I do this, tomorrow would have been the day she comes back. Many of the stories I read in the success, says a few days after they finally gave up hope, it actually happened... as if.... as if we literally have to wait for our spouses to the literal bitter end before they finally pull their head out of their a$$ and wake up to their real life...wake up to that they have been ignoring their child and their home and their marriage for too long. I pray I get the blubbering snot nosed pleading and begging to come back...I hope... I hope I get to spend the rest of my life with my beautiful wife... I hope... but until then I will keep improving me and D6. hearts in the snow=sticks and stones... FU OW