NOW... he texts me, "What are your plans for d14's birthday?"
UUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.............
I don't want to respond! If I have to, I guess, "You can make arrangements with her for another day."
Does he really think I'm going to let him come here? No F'ING WAY! I know d14 will be perfectly content doing something with him another day. And since s17's bday is in 6 days, he can take them out or something.
I just want him exercised from my life. Remove the evil!
I am not sure what to do about this one. Can't I just ignore? He runs, why can't I?
Plans are already made for D14 to be with her friends all day and tonight. You can contact D14 directly to make your own arrangements for the two of you at another time.
Wonka, that's the line I was thinking. I haven't responded at all yet.
I tried to avoid all together. I was thinking I could casually have d14 bring it up to him. I asked if she had heard from him. (Then I was going to say, Hey, why dont you ask him when he'd like to get together with you or what you would like to do... or something like that.)
However, she said NO, she hasn't heard from him. It is after 2PM in the afternoon and he hasn't even sent her a text or anything. But he can text me about it?
I was so shocked by this, I didn't say anything more about it. I didn't know what to say. I just changed the subject about her friends coming over.
I dont know how it's possible, but this guy never ceases to amaze me. "I'm focused on the kids right now and nothing else." Uh, how bout a HAPPY BIRTHDAY, D14!
You cannot avoid XH's text as it concerns D14. This is not the time to act like a scaredy cat. Just send that darn response and wash your hands off on this matter.
It is up to XH to decide what he wants to do about this information.
I said, "We have plans. You can make arrangements with her for another day."
He said, "You're cool"
Then, "Annoying"
Heeeeeeeeeere he comes!
Oh, now.... "Continue to pass your anger to them"
OK, Mighty. Buckle up. I know he is mad bc he cant come and go as he pleases. He is losing control.
I just have to remember that last year he was adamant that we could not do anything as a family. Nothing. And he wanted to communicate directly with the kids. Not me. And that he hasn't even contacted her yet today. OK, just processing and keeping it together. BC, I want to remind him of this. But, I know it won't do any good. So, I shouldn't, right?
What I want to say is something like:
Last year you were adamant that you could not participate in anything as a family. You said you would only contact the kids to make arrangements. My life cannot be determined on whatever mood you feel.
I don't know why you think I would have anger toward my kids, but please know, I truly don't want to have anger toward you- or anyone.
I need you to hear this clearly:
You choose to invest in someone who encouraged you to destroy your family.
There is nothing further to discuss.
You need to understand that this is not out of anger. This is to save myself and my kids. I am so much happier and healthier when not around all of your drama.
I just updated the Validation: Cheat Sheet thread today. You might want to refer to the last section for some ideas on how to diffuse things with XH.
There are times when taking no action is still action. This is a concept that a lot of DBers struggle with at times. It is a great tool from the DB toolbox.
Whoop whoop! Thank you, Wonka! Talked me right through it!
I mean the texts.... He's the pi$$ed off teenager who wasn't invited to the party.
He can flap around with that. I am sure it would be too much introspect to recall last yr he was in monster about going on the fam trip to pr. HWW WAS NOT PLEASED and he kept trying to cancel- and didn't commit until the day before. I was so upset he was going to miss d13 birthday. He did not care then! He had to answer to someone about that!
