barely holding on - 7

[MrBond]

"I hate this way of being, but if I re-open the lines of communication and sit with her for a while while she watches tv, will she understand what she is or will be missing?"

No way of knowing. What is it that you know about her that the OM doesn't? What have you not noticed about her?

[u-turn]

Thanks again MrBond. I will answer these questions because I feel like these are things that I should be thinking about. I never wanted to think that I was in competition with OM, but that really is the case.

but first

There is movement with W and I'd like an opinion. Like I've said, I've been very dim with W for a couple weeks and was wondering if this is getting me closer to my goal. W was very removed when she came home from work last night and went right to the couch after sitting through dinner with me and the kids. I decided to let her be. Some time during the night W came to our bed and slept the rest of the night.

This morning I was sitting in the and W came in, sat next to me started crying a little and said "I've been thinking a lot". paused, She then said something like "I have called it off with OM" and called him by name which she never does. She sat and cried but would not look at me. She also never told me that before.

I did not know what to say - I sat with her and put my hand on hers for a minute. The kids were getting up so we went about our usual morning business.

I didn't respond to her in any real verbal way, and would like an opinion of what to do.

[Starsky309]

I would ask her "So what are you thinking you'd like to do at this point?"

[MrBond]

I agree. She's not ready to come back to you yet and there will be withdrawal periods for her. Think of someone with an addiction who tries to stop cold turkey. Follow the steps of that. She will start to question herself and maybe contact the OM a few more times. But you need to stay firm in your resolve and how you feel.

[HPoirot]

Nice positive baby step U. Good luck to you.

[u-turn]

Thanks Starsky -

I think I will stick to this IF SHE wants to talk tonight. Do you think that I should bring it up to her or wait? I don't want to miss any opportunities.

[Starsky309]

Thanks Starsky -

I think I will stick to this IF SHE wants to talk tonight. Do you think that I should bring it up to her or wait? I don't want to miss any opportunities.

IF she wants to talk.

Good instincts!

[Starsky309]

I agree. She's not ready to come back to you yet and there will be withdrawal periods for her. Think of someone with an addiction who tries to stop cold turkey. Follow the steps of that. She will start to question herself and maybe contact the OM a few more times. But you need to stay firm in your resolve and how you feel.

x 2.

[u-turn]

Thanks Starsky & MrBond,
I will stay cool. I don't think she is ready to jump back with me either

I will research addiction withdrawals.

[u-turn]

Small update from last night and this morning:

she did want to talk a little last night, I left her alone for a little while to go do some things on my own after dinner, but as I was walking by "her room" she asked me to sit next to her. She was staring at me and tearing up a little, I asked what was on her mind.
she said " all of the would have, should have and could haves" I don't know what she really meant by that, but it meant a lot to her because she broke down to a full on blubbering sob (no disrespect intended). I let her compose herself, she reached to hold my hand, and I asked her "what do you think you'd like to do at this point?"

She said "get through this one day at a time - and that has nothing to do with him." Again - I don't know what this means and she is not making a lot of sense to me, but I am glad she is actually trying to tell me something, and the emotion she was showing me, I believe, was real - or academy award winning at least.

She did start out by sleeping on the couch, but sometime at night ended up in our bed again and reached for and held my hand this morning when we woke up.

I know she is going through big transitions at her work too - her current facility is shutting down and everyone is being re-assigned in other facilities. She will be starting a position at a much larger facility in a couple of weeks and she is transitioning there currently. I do not know where OM is going. Have not and I suppose will not ask.