He's got some f'ing nerve suggesting YOU would be responsible if S17 fell back into his old ways!!! What about the example of his DAD falling back into HIS old ways???? I'd be so tempted to say that to his face, but have to agree that would just be playing into his hands. He's like a child; even bad attention is better than no attention in his mind. Ignore.
Boom.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Damn straight, Train! Hey... you know... once the ball starts rolling....
That's what made me stronger last time.
YES. That's called YOU reclaiming the power you've ALWAYS had. Honey, you're staring at Truth now. It's Truth we've seen from miles away. It's YOU who holds the cards. Not him. Always has been. And do you see how YOU are able to see Truth with just a little distance and space?
It's literally the Pursuit/Distance dance. I've never seen it more clearly than in YOUR sitch.
Your H is.not.happy. His relationship with hww is a JOKE. He's so jacked-up that he can't even leave you alone - the woman he LEFT for hww - when you sincerely tell him and even SHOW him, through your actions, you want to be left alone.
Do you see how jacked he is?
Pursuit. Distance.
You're leading the dance now, darlin'.
Just keep giving him the d@mn rope he's asking for, baby. Let hww meet ALLLLLLLL those needs of xh. Just kick back, live your AWESOME life, and mark my words: their story is gonna get reallyyyyy entertaining.
If you supply the popcorn, I'll bring two bottles of wine. And I mean the BIG bottles.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
I really wish he hadn't come back at all. It's worse. He thinks we are friends now. And we aren't. I was there for him when he needed me, and I don't regret that. But, I feel so used and betrayed.
Yes, and you were abused. What your xh did was emotionally abusive, Which is why you feel PTSD. Read about it.. It might help.
Mighty, I am very sorry he's acting out like a spoiled rotten child. It's true, if he can't get your attention being nice, he'll try another way. You have and continue to be emotionally abused by this nut job. Also, he's trying to play the distance/pursuer game w/you. Stick to your guns and don't respond to his jabs. The sooner he realizes that you aren't playing the game, the sooner he'll find someone else to jab at.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Train- I think you are right in a way that I hold the cards. I mean... in a way. Like, how much I allow him to continue to use and abuse me. I do think he feels a sense of insecurity not having me respond to him. But, it is hard to think that I have any card holding going on when I feel so out of control!
I did remind myself this morning that he does not control one aspect of my life. Nothing. He has no say in my life, how I live it, what I do. Whew. I need to keep reminding myself that. Just like I have no control of him... he has none of me.
He does not like to be controlled... however is in a very controlling situation. Admittedly that she is a control freak- but never admitted that HE was controlled.
I think both of us have lived in denial.
Bea- I looked it up... and yeah... definitely looks like I fit the bill. I had been going to ic for a year. I actually stopped in December (a time when I prob needed most) to see someone else. I didn't feel that my c was really pushing me along. Just always listened and said I was doing great. So... I made an appt elsewhere, but I have to wait a bit before I can get in for the first time. I start in March. He is going to get his money's worth with me!
Job- we will see what he does, right? Sit and wait and the answers will come... where have I heard that? It is true! But, I am going to continue to focus on me. I let things go a little more every day.
Wonka- That's what I left him with during the summer... sounded like a monsoon. Too bad he saw a rainbow after he left the storm. Well... hurricane season starts soon, right?
He just seems to have such a soft spot now for her bc of the baby. The only soft spot he has anymore! The, "I'd get so annoyed just looking at her knowing what kind of person she is." Has turned into someone he has feelings for, respects, says is a nice, caring person.
That's ok, though. I know the truth. I knew it in my heart. He confirmed what I knew, even if he says differently now. But I know me. I know what he is losing. Me, by being with her. And, him, by being with her. He is in a lose/lose situation.
D13 birthday today.... wait! Ah! D14! I took her basketball team breakfast this morning at the end of practice. She thinks she wants to go sledding this afternoon. Good day to do that then chill with a movie by the fire.
This will be the first day xh will not spend with her on her birthday. (She told me he had the wrong day the other day) Last year we were in PR for her birthday. We are usually on vacation to celebrate.
Awww... crap. The city just called and said I will lose the STAR exemption for property tax bc the house is still in xh name. So hww gets the exemption. It has been on this house for 14 years. I cannot change it to my name until the renos are done. I am so pi$$ed about this. I can't believe it. And, I will lose the va discount, too. My mortgage pymnt has already increased $200 bc escrow was short for some reason and ins went up due to the flood 1.5 yrs ago. Now I will have to compensate for two more things on my payment. This is killing me financially now.
I usually take these things in stride... but I am so tired of this never coming to an end. And that I constantly have to deal with their selfishness.
Happy Birthday to your D14. They grow up so fast. One day they are toddlers and the next, teenagers!
Yes, you do hold all of the cards. You are the one that decides whether you want to remain in contact w/him or not. You will be the one to determine if you truly want to reconcile, if he should ever get his act together, not him. You, and only you are in control of your life and as you continue to get stronger, you will begin to see that you are not reacting to his bad behavior.
Yes, sit quietly and the answers will be revealed.
I'm sorry to hear about the property tax issue. But, I know you will handle things graciously and efficiently when it comes to your situation.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, job. I am pretty ticked about the tax thing. I, of course, thought of a knee-jerk reaction, but that would still give him what he wants.
So, I will use this frustration to keep me moving forward. I have to speak to another lady on Monday, but the girl I spoke to today was pretty sure there is nothing I can do but lose the exemption. (and NYS tax is the WORST!)
At least I can allow myself until then to relax, reassess, and figure out what to do about it. Pretty much, nothing. The only thing I could do is ask him to switch the deed, but I know how that will end. So it's really not even worth the effort or communication.
I think he may use the tax thing as an excuse to contact me, or he will avoid it knowing he is screwing me.
