Susana (4) - Do you have to be confusin'?

[susana4]

Bringing over my last 2 posts from previous thread...

I'm really confused about H's LL - was pretty sure it's AoS, so I've been doing a few things around the house and thanking him for stuff he does, but last night he told me to stop thanking him so much when what he does isn't that big a deal. And today he barely noticed all the straightening up and cleaning I'd done.

I also thought it might be WOA so I've been trying to give more compliments and gratitude (I've been trying too anyway) but a lot of the time he'll just negate my compliment by saying "no I'm not" or "I'm not really that good".

Thoughts? Am I wrong about his LL? Or is he just lacking self confidence?

I brought up the conversation about LL but I am thinking now that YOU may think this is a magic bullet that is going to SAVE your marriage.
A button that you can press and all will be OK.

I dont think it works that way.

Just because he said DONT compliment him all the time or that it is no big deal does not mean that those are not his LL.

Plus he may receive love in one language and send it in another.

I would say just file this information away for use at another time.

There are NO magic bullets or quick fixes here. Sorry.

Thanks, I don't think it's a magic bullet (I know that doesn't exist), but perhaps I did think it could help more than it actually will.

I also thought while I have a chance when we're living together still, I may as well show him my love - even if he doesn't reciprocate.

Because if he felt unloved throughout our M (I don't know if he did, so I should probably stop with the mindreading) well, that isn't true.

Now, he wasn't a perfect H, but one thing I never doubted his love for me, and feeling that love and support was invaluable to me. I suppose I want to "pay it back" even if there's no reward in it for me.

But if it's upsetting him (? mindreading again?) then you're right, maybe I should just file it away.