Bringing over my last 2 posts from previous thread...
I'm really confused about H's LL - was pretty sure it's AoS, so I've been doing a few things around the house and thanking him for stuff he does, but last night he told me to stop thanking him so much when what he does isn't that big a deal. And today he barely noticed all the straightening up and cleaning I'd done.
I also thought it might be WOA so I've been trying to give more compliments and gratitude (I've been trying too anyway) but a lot of the time he'll just negate my compliment by saying "no I'm not" or "I'm not really that good".
Thoughts? Am I wrong about his LL? Or is he just lacking self confidence?
I brought up the conversation about LL but I am thinking now that YOU may think this is a magic bullet that is going to SAVE your marriage. A button that you can press and all will be OK.
I dont think it works that way.
Just because he said DONT compliment him all the time or that it is no big deal does not mean that those are not his LL.
Plus he may receive love in one language and send it in another.
I would say just file this information away for use at another time.
There are NO magic bullets or quick fixes here. Sorry.
Something I keep repeating to myself this last week when H and I were spending time together - "he really *would* be a fool to leave me."
I'm not done growing but I do feel I have a lot to offer. I'm clever, hardworking, passionate, kind, attractive, fun. Oh, and a great cook. And the fact that I'm undertaking DBing shows my commitment and tbh, bravery - I am continuing to offer unconditional love in spite of everything. If you'd told me a year ago I'd DB, well I wouldn't have known what that meant first of all - but I wouldn't have believed you. I would have thought I was too proud to do that, and too afraid; I would have expected I would just run away because that is what I have done in the past.
I am learning to face fears.
I am learning to live in the moment, to be less critical, to be more accepting.
Yes, I'm still a work in progress, but I'm learning.
And if H can't see that, well then yes, he is a fool.
Bringing over my last 2 posts from previous thread...
I'm really confused about H's LL - was pretty sure it's AoS, so I've been doing a few things around the house and thanking him for stuff he does, but last night he told me to stop thanking him so much when what he does isn't that big a deal. And today he barely noticed all the straightening up and cleaning I'd done.
I also thought it might be WOA so I've been trying to give more compliments and gratitude (I've been trying too anyway) but a lot of the time he'll just negate my compliment by saying "no I'm not" or "I'm not really that good".
Thoughts? Am I wrong about his LL? Or is he just lacking self confidence?
I brought up the conversation about LL but I am thinking now that YOU may think this is a magic bullet that is going to SAVE your marriage. A button that you can press and all will be OK.
I dont think it works that way.
Just because he said DONT compliment him all the time or that it is no big deal does not mean that those are not his LL.
Plus he may receive love in one language and send it in another.
I would say just file this information away for use at another time.
There are NO magic bullets or quick fixes here. Sorry.
Thanks, I don't think it's a magic bullet (I know that doesn't exist), but perhaps I did think it could help more than it actually will.
I also thought while I have a chance when we're living together still, I may as well show him my love - even if he doesn't reciprocate.
Because if he felt unloved throughout our M (I don't know if he did, so I should probably stop with the mindreading) well, that isn't true.
Now, he wasn't a perfect H, but one thing I never doubted his love for me, and feeling that love and support was invaluable to me. I suppose I want to "pay it back" even if there's no reward in it for me.
But if it's upsetting him (? mindreading again?) then you're right, maybe I should just file it away.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Something I keep repeating to myself this last week when H and I were spending time together - "he really *would* be a fool to leave me."
I'm not done growing but I do feel I have a lot to offer. I'm clever, hardworking, passionate, kind, attractive, fun. Oh, and a great cook. And the fact that I'm undertaking DBing shows my commitment and tbh, bravery - I am continuing to offer unconditional love in spite of everything. If you'd told me a year ago I'd DB, well I wouldn't have known what that meant first of all - but I wouldn't have believed you. I would have thought I was too proud to do that, and too afraid; I would have expected I would just run away because that is what I have done in the past.
I am learning to face fears.
I am learning to live in the moment, to be less critical, to be more accepting.
Yes, I'm still a work in progress, but I'm learning.
And if H can't see that, well then yes, he is a fool.
GOOD JOB!
Thank you!
Going to repeat this to myself tonight before H and I go for dinner/comedy.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Starsky, who thinks that marital problems are "kind of a drag."
Now that is one of my favorite Buckinghams songs!
Oh well I am showing my age!
I am about 6 1/2 years younger than you it looks like, but I grew up with a brother who was 7 years older than me, and so I grew up listening to all of his records (yeah, we had "records" back then, LOL . . . and dinosaurs still roamed the Earth!) So it was The Buckinghams, and The Byrds, and The Turtles, and the Rolling Stones, and Creedence and the Doors. I still love all that old stuff!
I am about 6 1/2 years younger than you it looks like, but I grew up with a brother who was 7 years older than me, and so I grew up listening to all of his records (yeah, we had "records" back then, LOL . . . and dinosaurs still roamed the Earth!) So it was The Buckinghams, and The Byrds, and The Turtles, and the Rolling Stones, and Creedence and the Doors. I still love all that old stuff!
I am taking my fourth rock and roll class online right now.
The Rolling Stones!
Already finished History of Rock 1 and 2 and the Beatles.
Best of all it is FREE!
Great GAL activity for all who is reading. Wish I could post the website but we know that we are not allowed to do that.
No worries! I should technically be too young to know these bands, but my dad "educated" me in music of his era so I grew up listening to all of them, ha! He even played the Beatles to my mother's stomach when she was pregnant with me.
He now teaches Beatles classes at the local community college.
Your class sounds fun Cadet!
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
