Yeah. Your instincts are correct ... again. That email is not a good idea.
Rysin, things are not going to feel "easy" for a long while for you. And there are no guarantees that W is going to see the changes you are making and come running back. (PS What ARE your "changes"?)
I ask that, but there's a part of me that thinks she just up and left because she needs quality time and maybe she isn't "made" to be married to a man who is deployed (IOW, there may be no "changes" you could make - besides getting out of the military - that would help make her happy). Let me be honest: I think, if that's the case, then she's a coward who should have never married a man in the military.
In the interest of full disclosure (and I'm almost ashamed to admit this, but it has nothing to do with ME, so I will): My sister, who I've written about recently on these boards to someone else, D my BIL, an Army officer, *while he was in active war in Afghanistan*. She offered excuses. But to me, there was no excuse. Her H, my BIL, called me from Afghanistan, almost daily, after BD, searching for anything - ANYTHING - to save his M. He was over there, fighting a war, and she was backtracking their S to the time he left to hurry a D before he even returned home.
All that, even though she was the one who actively pursued him, an Army officer, knowing what all that entailed.
I'm just saying that there are some people who aren't cut out to be long-term, devoted spouses of military (wo)men. There are no guarantees in your sitch. But an email to your W, to let her know that your "door is open to talk and/or listen" while she's disrespected you so much as to sleep with another man while you were off, serving your country, is absolutely NOT the honorable thing for you to do.
I'd rather you get MAD right now, Rysin. I'd rather you see your sitch for what it is: You are sacrificing for your country. And it appears as though ONE of those sacrifices, at least for now, was your M. You deserve better. You deserve someone who is LOYAL to you while you are putting it ALL on the line to be loyal to your country.
Why WOULD you leave your "door open" to someone who turned his/her back on you that way?
For me, personally? Yeah, I'll admit it: I want to hear stories of your W stopping by your house and you looking and smelling and acting better - and more assured - than you have in YEARS. That's why I asked if there's been any interactions. I want to know she's SEEING the bada$s Rysin. Not the sad, sappy Rysin who emails the woman who is cheating on him, telling her that his door is always open to her to talk (about what? What a wuss OM is???). No. I'm curious if W is being exposed to the RISING Rysin. Tha MAN.
THAT is who she needs to "happen" in to at home when she stops by.
Trust me: the relationship with OM is growing old by the day. The last thing you want to do is present "old Rysin" as an "option." No sir. You're something familiar. But you should be something fresh and new. Something confident. Something masculine. Something - dare I say? - HARD TO GET!!!!
Be creative in how you pull this off, but make sure she sees that Rysin is RISING.
