I think you need to LET GO.
Drop the rope.

He will either come out of the affair or not but
you meeting any of his needs could be helping to
prolong the affair.

It sounds like he is depressed and
until he decides that he wants to FIX that
you will not be able to help him.

Are you looking for a magic bullet to FIX all this?

Me-70, D37,S36