During the early evening we get along fine. I was greeted by a warm kiss; we had a good work out and a nice dinner. We drove D15 and her friend to the mall, had some good laughs along the way.
By the time we went to bed I was the source of her unhappiness.
I have this great life I want to build, preferably with her. I think she'd love it too, if she would just hang on. Be that man she'd be a fool to leave and all that. I'll build it anyway, without her. If she wants to hang on, why can't she just do that? If she doesn't want to hang on, then why is she torturing me with this emotional roller coaster? If she's truly out of love with me and doesn't think she can get it back, then for the love of God just let me go. It's not what I want but it's preferable to limbo. At least then I can get started on the rest of my life.
The fact that I go to church is suddenly a big deal to her. She's not an atheist, but doesn't have much use for organized religion. That's her choice, I don't have a problem with that. I just told her that while I'm 100% committed to working on my shortcomings as a husband and as a man, a spiritual life that happens to involve church isn't one of them. I told her I refuse to be someone I'm not just to please her. You'd think that would be comforting to her; that I'm not willing to lie to her to get her to stay. It didn't work that way. She used is as ammunition against me; "proof" that we're not compatible.
I don't know if I'm doing this detaching thing right. When I feel detached I feel strongest, but apparently it comes off as cold to her. Maybe she just expects me to wallow in the same agony she feels, and when I don't, she thinks I don't care. I don't know how to behave around her. Being too passionate comes off as angry, which is obviously counterproductive, but when I'm calm and stable she calls me cold. The traditional validating statements she sees right through. I want her to get to where she's comfortable being vulnerable to me. How can I be detached, but warm and inviting at the same time?
Last edited by Rzrback; 02/18/1512:52 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
