Mighty, you are going to start seeing some anger from him when he realizes you are serious about not having contact. Not your problem,though.
I get that you want to understand. I had to dig in deep, take off the rose colored glasses, face some really tough stuff in order to get to where I needed to be.
I get it. Looking back and taking stock is important in this journey. You just dont want to live there.
It's hard to become a separate entity when your lives are so heavily emeshed. I know it was for me. I was really small by the time bomb date rolled around. I had to grow me back. I am not going to lie, it was hard work. It involved looking at some tough stuff.
I needed to say to myself every single day, I am ok. I am worthy. I had to make a mindful decision that I was going to find me.
I looked within and faced my fears. I thought about the fact what if he passed away? I would grieve and then I would move forward. I knew I would be ok. I had no choice.
The stronger I got, the more confident I got, the more I could see that I could do it.
You feel how you do, M. There arent wrong feelings. Its what you do with them that counts. Its how you move through them that matters.
You have to want, with every part of you, to become who you are meant to be. You have to make the decision to let him go, with the knowledge that you will be ok.
And you will be. I know you know that. The thing is that the people we love should enhance our lives, not define it. When we become lost in them, we lose ourselves.
Find Mighty. I mean really find her. Who is she? What does she like? What are her characteristics, her qualities, beliefs and strengths and weaknesses?
He has no power or control over your life, M. None. He is just a man. Thats it.
You have a wonderful mind. Figure out how you got to be the person you were in your marriage.
