I've been trying to do it in a way that is friendly and non threatening and no R talk unless she does. I think it's working, she text'd me today, which she never does, asking me how my day is going, beating me to the punch!! I started this limited last week, just saying hi, etc. Today was the first day she did it first! Small, small, baby step... I know... be cool!
Great! Yes, don't get too carried away b/c by this evening she may be different. If so, still be cool. Before this has healed, you will see a lot of mood shifts.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yes, thank you. I really appreciate your feedback. Thanks doesn't quite say enough for how thankful I am for you Sandi2. BTW, you are Sandi #1 in my book!
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
I'm having some anxiety about W going to stay at her friends house this weekend. I guess we'll see how it goes tonight. Part of me wants to let her go and have that space part of me wants to tell her friend to not allow her to stay at her house and not enable her behavior.
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
Last night, W wanted to have some discussion about a few things, kids and the fact that her Aunt and Uncle's annual trip to our home is planned for about 4 weeks from now. Every year they come to visit us in the sunshine from the frozen North where they live. I absolutely adore them. They are two of the most kind and caring people I've ever known. He is pastor and she dedicated to service. She realizes that we would have to share our bedroom again as she's in the guest room now and that when they come they would stay in there and not her. W keenly picked up and pointed out that this would play into my hand, and told me such as she smiled and said this must make you happy. I told her I was not sure if it made me happy or not but I would not object. I told her that I would sleep on the floor if she'd like. She said still smiling she didn't think it would be necessary. She then said, she didn't want to tell them anything about our situation and that would be best in her opinion. I told her she knows how my relationship with her uncle is and that I greatly value him and her Aunt as friends and family. I would abide by her wishes as best I could but made no promises.
She did then as a result of this get into R talk a bit I let her do the talking and she told me that she admires my dedication and tenacity to saving the M, that she was proud of me for that. Also, that I have made her think long and hard and that I am making it difficult for her.I wanted to press her on that thought, but laid back and was cool letting her go on. I presume she was implying that it was difficult to continue to think D is a good option or that things could change as she had before that they couldn't and she didn't want to try. The fact that I have possibly introduced doubt about D into her mind at this point I think, is a good thing, if she's questioning her original decision then I think I have made progress. based on her comment about tenacity I presume she's noticing how much I care for and love her. I can only hope that some of my 180s are paying off!
Trying to not think about the weekend and just letting her go have space and time. Maybe, being away for a few days is exactly what she needs. I think I am at peace today with what she may see as a needed break. Maybe some time at her D'd girlfriends place is what she needs.
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
Well she's been texting and calling me and that's been weird for a couple of days because we've not talked that much in a long time, it was nice I almost felt like she was caring for me. Then tonight distant, cold, and reminding me she is going to T's hour for the weekend. She informed me she would go right after work tomorrow and come home Sunday. I told her sounds good have fun. Then told me she is going to get her nails done and go to the movies. "Great have fun!" Doing my best to be supportive I guess. I'm trying hard to believe her but it's hard to trust. I still don't trust her for some reason though I have found no evidence of an A. It's hard to trust when you've been left alone for so long. The weekend is going to be filled with fun kid stuff. So I'm really just trying to focus on that.
She also told me she told our son that she was going to her friends and she said when I asked what he said, he was fine with it. On the other hand I asked him when she was not around and he said "she always leaves to spend time with her friends and go get drunk." He knows what she's up to. The boy knows and I could see and hear the pain he has. I told him not to worry that he, I, and his sister were going to have a fun weekend. He said "we don't need Mommy!" I feel bad for him, this poor boy. I feel bad for her because she has no idea how much she's hurting him. It's breaking my heart, then to let her go without giving her a piece of my mind is just as tough! Uggg! Staying strong for my kids!
Well tonight I found what I didn't want to find. Txt proof of A and as expected it's her boss. I've known he's wanted her her for years. Guys just know.
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
There's a weird relief inside this sadness having the confirmation was satisfying for a while, "I knew it!" . Knowing. Hurting. It's f'd up.
It's today my new life begins. All it was was a fairytale and devotion to a dream No more promises No more lies No more keeping score No more wondering Now I find myself here at the start. You always end up where start.
It's dawning I me how it starts and the entirety of the last few years seem almost predictable now having read the book. God I wish I'd have found this sooner. I might have been able to prevent it all. She said that the last few days have been hard on her cause she like, where has this guy been?? I'm not sure where she is in all of this but we talked quite a bit. Finally some honesty. Not that I believe her much but more information after she started to come clean. I don't think I'll ever forget that look on her face. She said sometimes she felt like she wanted me to catch her, just when I thought things couldn't get more f'd. I don't have any idea how I'll sleep and it's late.
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
Thanks Rd, I suppose it's all about going forward now. I've never been one to lay down or rest on laurels. I will continue to be a strong man for my children and provide them with the best life that I can. I have a good support system in my family and I know the future is bright. Once I get over these feelings it will be clear sailing. That poor STBXW of mine is really messed up right now, I feel sorry for her. She's going to really struggle after the glow of her A begins to wane. She's really making some bad decisions and hurting everyone around her especially our son.
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
