I totally and completely get it. Here is the thing ..... your MLC'r, my MLCr' ... the old ones we are hanging on to (I am like a 4 year old grabbing mommy's leg I swear) .... they are gone, and reading all that I have read, seriously ... gone. In my case, my W was this person I trusted 120%, loyal, fun, and most of all one of those women who walked into a room and people took notice, she never got it, had no clue as to how beautiful she was. Now .... ugh ... she is not trustworthy and seems she has this "I know I am hot now give me what I want" thing that is such a turn off.
Deal is ... the old spouse is gone, they have to go through these tunnels, and then they will combine parts of who they were with who they have become .... Ironically we are doing the same metamorphosis.(Think Butterfly's here) Seems to me the LBS's come out of the cocoon much earlier than the MLC'rs, we need to fly a bit, and then when they finally hatch its going to be up to us if we want to share ourselves with them again. We have to love them enough to allow them the bake time to become whatever they are going to become, they may very well stay a gooped up bitter caterpillar ... we may never know.
As far as a new R, with someone who loves ya back ... yup I have drifted into that fantasy a bit myself .. its hard not to ... just like I said how we are angry and sad for both us and our spouse, I also wonder if we love for both too as they are not capable of it. Then I realize its been so long, I am not even sure I would know what to do with myself, I would probably vomit just out of being freaked out.... yeah .. super attractive way to get chicks.
You are doing it proper, head high, class, you have time ... at this moment we are all still healing. Stay the course.
