So, I went back and read my post. When I said about W not ML to OM prior to BD, i was a little off on how I feel. I think for most of the A 8-10 months, it was just casual stuff. However, I think W reserved that hotel room for them to go to the next step. She said that he never came up there, but I do think that afterwards something happened. This is where I think the downward spiral of guilt and resolution to be with OM took hold in W. The month before BD things where definitely different in how she acted. Our ML it was really one sided. In fact, that's why I confronted her right before BD, I didn't want to be intimate when she clearly wasn't into it. It was the second or third time that month and it was more than just a 'headache' type thing.
So, the reason I say this is that I think that this is the last part that W is holding out telling me. She's denied it many times, but I did see that text message about them getting together. At one point, she said something strange when I confronted about OM like "I've never 'been' with anyone else when we were married." Now, the difference is we've only been together with each other in our lives. I wonder if at some point she felt 'she' wasn't married to me anymore and then that was what made her okay with it. Then when we were taking about this text message, That was what I went off on with respect to what she did with the kids, but I wonder if that's the last piece of info that she feels that I wouldn't be okay with. My reaction was enough for her to shut back down.
Knowing my wife, she would internalize this and then move on instead of confronting it within herself. Also, I think she would need to tell me in order for her to start to look at us getting back together, but she wouldn't because she would feel it would hurt me too much. Dealing with these emotions within herself and not running from them is part of what she needs to change, but I'm wondering how I can work the sitch to help her trust me on it. It really doesn't make a difference given all of the other stuff that has happened, but I feel that it may be the linchpin holding us back.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
