Complex #5 - progress and throwbacks

[Complex]

Yes I need to get back in track where I was before 5 days ago. I was on a good track. Not trying to justify too much but these meds I tell you, they threw me back a mile, I feel like a big mess right now. It was a very big nail in the coffin what happened yesterday.
Before I really saw improvement in myself and W's behaviour. But a little thing then caused a huge wave again.

You are right Mozza its not right to DB, then fail and do the same mistakes again, come here and confess. My anxiety attacks triggered that I let myself go with my negative emotions and now I have to live with the outcome and hopefully get over this phase and do it better in the future.
I can't change what happened. I just need to find a way now to get over this phase now. I feel so anxious I can't even go outside, I feel like a different person, can't focus. So I need a solution how to cope this and stay out of trouble. Got another IC session in two days. Maybe she can prescribe me sth that's gonna help my anxiety attacks. In the meantime I better get out of W's way. If she wants to talk I have to tell her "Sorry I don't feel like talking right now, let's talk about it in a few days when my head is a little clearer", or sth like that.

The way we are communicating has become a boundary for me tho. I cannot accept the way she is communicating with me anymore. I know I can't control it. So if she does talk to me a certain way I just have to leave the conversation. Which won't get us anywhere, but that's not my problem then. Just not going to let this manipulate and influence me anymore.
I guess there's no sense in apologizing to W for yesterday. She actually knows I'm on the meds now and she knows they are wearing on me. But in the end that's just another weakness in her eyes and won't excuse anything. I just gotta move on and get over the next few days and hope the side effects will go away.

I'll try to go to the gym tonight. Other than that there's no way I can GAL a lot today, I feel super weak. Tomorrow I have an attorney appointment and school. Thursday IC. Sunday is the family event which under the new circumstances I might cancel, depends on how I feel.

And yes twinmom, there's plenty of space for self improvement and there always will be!