This need not be the end.

[Mozza]

This post is not meant to "more of the same" with me moping about my sitch but I need to vent a bit.
I've noticed that I'm not getting any responses any more?

I'm very interested in your stich and I read everything but I've stopped responding because I'm not getting through to you at the moment and I think it's best that you finish reading NMMNG and make some inroads with your IC. I do note however that you started this post with another "but" where your words contradict your actions. Just learn to assume your actions, face them, accept their consequences. You've probably covered your actions with words for all your life and it has worked so far, but now you're facing a crisis and it's time to take advantage of it and wonder: What is water? What do I do, how do I think that is so obvious to me that I don't see it anymore?

The truth is, the only life I want is the one that's unattainable without me becoming something I don't want to be.

Can you expand on this? What is it that you would have to change? What is the kind of person that you don't want to be?

I feel lonely because I AM completly alone in how I feel about this sitch.

This is interesting. Why do you think that most people seem to take her side? Try to be self-critical about it. People come here with honesty and confess their faults. We have porn addicts, people with a history of violence, of neglect, nice people who aren't so nice to their W (that's me), adulterers, etc. The more honest the introspection, the better help you get and the more chances of living a better life.