Was the past 18 years just a waste?

[June315]

Ok, re-reading DB. Trying to "detach" but I do love him. it probably does not to make any sense but I do believe we are better with each other. I know I can only change and control myself. At times, it is so hopeless but I am trying very hard to be optimistic.

I gave him a big smile when he came home from a visit with his daughters. He smiled back and pecked me on the lips. He gave dinner that I made and went to sleep.

This morning our cellphones were cut due to non-payment. I spoke to H but did not offer to pay it for him. And I will not pay it since it is his responsibility. So now we do not have cellphones. It is a little scary this morning since I had to drive in the snow and if I crashed, I had no phone. But I digress.

Not much but little "detach" will do for now.