Oh, Susana! (3)

[susana4]

I can see changes in my behaviour and I know I have a ways to go but I'm happy with how far I've progressed.

Sunday when H and I went to the maze, we got really lost on the way there. In the past, I would have gotten exasperated and gone "oh, give me the map, let me figure it out". This time, I gave up the need for control and let him navigate and just enjoyed the walk. Even if we did get lost, it just meant we had more time to wander around together, and the weather was lovely.

Last night it was a minor thing but he said he'd buy some paper towels which we needed to buy before this morning (when the cleaner came) when he took out the recycling. Before he left, I was going to remind him because I had a feeling he'd forget - but I chose to trust that he'd remember. And do a 180 on constantly being his 'memory'. And you know what? He did forget, but I realised it really didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It was only paper towels! He was extremely annoyed at himself, but I treated it lightheartedly and said it didn't matter, we could get up a little early and go get them.

This morning I slipped a bit. We were about to leave the house and I saw he wasn't wearing a coat so I said "are you not wearing a coat today?" Then realised how much I sounded like his mother, and how passive aggressive the way I stated it was. I'm still cringing a bit thinking about it.

Is it worth apologising for later? Or would bringing attention to it make it worse?