Part 13 - contents (un)lucky for some

[edz]

Morning all.

Sunny morning this morning. Could have done without being awoken by bft redistributing last nights supper on the stairs but never mind.

Working from home as they are rodding the drains today (nice!) so tea and kettle getting a workout for the builders this morning.

Didnt have the begining of the week slump this week which was good, started a new exercise regime at home (nothing manic just stretches and some work on the muffiny areas which seem reluctant to move with swimming). Bit achy from that today but we'll see how that goes, swimming tomorrow so may splurge for the hot spa as well although money is horribly tight to the end of the month.

Feeling a little down today, its a different layer of the onion today though, not the same just feels a bit like im stuck on a very long dark road and dont know whats more than a few feet ahead, I suppose even if w is interested in reconciling Im not sure how we get from separate places to moving forward. I put some thought into this, I sat down and though OK Edz how did we get together and realised we were very open from day one. Sleeping on each others sofas (we were in different counties at the time) if we were out late, different times obviously.

Coming up on the 7 month mark of living alone now, nothing for some of you I know, but I do feel different now. Thanks to my councelling and working on myself the dependency monster seems to have taken a holiday, I dont feel the way I did in needing someone to validate me but I do miss being part of a partnership and having that closeness (as well as everything that goes along with it).

Still not thinking about dating, Im still holding out for my M right now though I know I cant be wifes plan b forever, right now Im just relaxing, calming myself rather than getting wound up in having to attach myself to w or someone else.

Had a long chat with my dad the other night who kept bringing the conversation back to what was happening (I dont get them involved as much as possible as much as they care and want to help it wouldnt help to keep things smooth for w and ultimately they help me enough with practicalities and just being there) he kept saying I should just say what does w want and start looking for someone else. I didnt want to get into this with him and so didnt. Right now ultimatums, forcing decisions etc is a cheeseless tunnel. The best I can imagine is getting a very fast 'no' by taking that approach so not going there.