WAW Affair admittd 3

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=MrBond]"Has too much damage been done by both of us to each other in that time period? I don't know, maybe"

That's up to you. There can never be so much damage that things can't be healed.

Forgiveness is a learned skill. I never saw it growing up
Hey 25, Mr Bond.

Very true words again. Looking at some of the most terrible crimes commited you often hear of people showing forgiveness.
I dont hold hate in my heart, I cant as im 50% responsible for the failure of our marriage. Some days i feel a great sense of forgiveness, some days i feel angry. Its still too soon to fully understand how i feel. She is still constantly temperature checking at the moment so its hard for me to detach.


In a way, since it indicates some concern on her end (as opposed to indifference), then maybe you can detach BECAUSE you know there's some interest....

Make sense? If she looks your way, you want to use those moments or interactions as opportunities for her to see the new improved YOU. Make the most of them.


I to never saw foregiveness growing up. My parents divorced and hated each other. My mum still holds that hate for what my dad did regarding him having an affair. Only now do i see how wrong that is.


Sad, but a useful ^^^^ lesson. I'll have to share another one I learned growing up, later. But for now, the phrase that might have changed your mom's life is this one:

"Holding onto anger, to punish someone else,

is like lighting yourself on fire.....................to get smoke in their eyes."



Youve got me 25, i am down playing my own infideilty. People i have told about what is going on know full well what i have done. Im ashamed and feel guilty about what i have done. The truth is that i am struggling to reconcile what ive done with what my wife is still doing. i suppose this is where me taking responsabilty for my own actions comes in.

IF you know in your heart that the "incidents" you had with her bff, are not threats to the marriage, (meaning, it did not mean much to you then or now), then you'll have to accept that she may come to feel the same way about OM, down the road.

Obviously he means something to her now, and presumably more than your OW meant to you, but that is not relevant.

I'm saying if you know your past A isn't going to repeat itself, then why couldn't you imagine your w feeling the same way?

BTW, why'd you choose her bff to flirt with, if you know? It's quite a sabotage, if you know what I mean. I'm kind of wondering if it was a big hostile act on your part or clueless or what. Not trying to bash you too hard, but dang, that's a low blow. Got any Ideas?



I dont bring up anything about her continuing her affair. I dont need to.

Well, why would you?

IF and When SHE brings up a recon, then maybe that would be the time. But while she's in the midst of ardor and confusion and what she thinks might be love, and still stinging from your betrayals,

say nothing of it.

Everyone who has ever been in an affair knows it is wrong. That doesnt stop people doing it though. We are only human after all.
Time will tell whether we can reconcile our marriage. I still dont know how i feel. For us to do so she would have to give an awful lot up.


As I think I said, almost every woman I've known who had an affair, felt justified at the time.

But Instead of coming up with obstacles to even wanting a reconciliation now, long before they are "Due", don't bother. That slows your own work and gives you reasons for not trying to be the best h you can be. You're shutting yourself down before you need to IF you ever do need to.


(BTW how are you going to "give up" HER BFF? How are you going to match any type of behavior change - that might be Fairly applied? Be mindful of the double standards...


Finally, instead of seeing how SHE would have to "give an awful lot up", why not plan on offering/giving HER - more - of YOU? Be the better catch.



For one there would be NC with other man which means one or both woud have to leave the business. This may mean that it would need to be sold. At the moment she isn't prepared to do that.


Yes that is a lot. IT's too much to think of or do, at the moment. But you don't need to plan that far in advance.

When it becomes self evident that you are indeed a man only a fool would leave, the choice will not be as hard for her, as losing you forever.

as you've said before, i have a gift, gift of time, i'm going to use it wisely to work on me.

Thanks for all your help guys. It is very much appreciated