WAW Affair admittd 3

[Ontheup]

"Has too much damage been done by both of us to each other in that time period? I don't know, maybe"

That's up to you. There can never be so much damage that things can't be healed.

Forgiveness is a learned skill. I never saw it growing up and I literally did not know HOW to do it, once I decided I wanted to. And forgiving her does not necessarily require you to reconcile, but to let go of the pain you are in now.

But it is something you must do, for yourself...when you grasp what that means, when you really get that holding onto your pain is not in your interest (or anyone's, and certainly not in your d's), then you'll know you have made more progress.

And if you do reconcile, it'll be a task for both of you. Among other things, she'll have to regain your trust AND you will have to regain hers.

Because why should she return to a marriage she wanted out of, unless there is is some promise of her needs being better met? And you had an "indiscretion" (great euphemism, btw) as well. While you don't seem to think they are similar, to her I am sure they are very similar. Regardless, I'm sure you'd agree that those things cannot happen again either.

You'll have to avoid ever throwing it in her face or holding it over her head, and she'll have to own some tough things to own.

In short, you'll have to do what the vows suggest, and go

"From this day forward", which means letting go of the past. I think those words were brilliantly inserted into my vows and they mean A LOT.

Give yourself a lot of time. You have it at the moment.

((( )))

Hey 25, Mr Bond.

Very true words again. Looking at some of the most terrible crimes commited you often hear of people showing forgiveness.
I dont hold hate in my heart, I cant as im 50% responsible for the failure of our marriage. Some days i feel a great sense of forgiveness, some days i feel angry. Its still too soon to fully understand how i feel. She is still constantly tempreture checking at the moment so its hard for me to detach.
I to never saw foregiveness growing up. My parents divorced and hated each other. My mum still holds that hate for what my dad did regarding him having an affair. Only now do i see how wrong that is.

Youve got me 25, i am down playing my own infideilty. People i have told about what is going on know full well what i have done. Im ashamed and feel guilty about what i have done. The truth is that i am stuggling to reconcile what ive done with what my wife is still doing. i suppose this is where me taking responsabilty for my own actions comes in.
I dont bring up anything about her continuing her affair. I dont need to. Everyone who has ever been in an affair knows it is wrong. That doesnt stop people doing it though. We are only human after all.
Time will tell whether we can reconcile our marriage. I still dont know how i feel. For us to do so she would have to give an awful lot up. For one there would be NC with other man which means one or both woud have to leave the business. This may mean that it would need to be sold. At the moment she isnt prepared to do that.

as you've said before, i have a gift, gift of time, i'm going to use it wisely to work on me.

Thanks for all your help guys. It is very much appreciated